सच बोलने या सही बोलने वाले को दुनिया ने हमेशा तमाम तरीके की बौड़म उपाधियाँ दी है। सो लेबल की परवाह मुझे नहीं है। उस अवस्था से ऊपर उठ गया हूँ जहाँ लोगो को दुनियाई तमगो की चिंता होती है। कुछ तीव्रता से महसूस करना और फिर भी खामोश रह जाना एक प्रकार का बौद्धिक जुर्म है, बौद्धिक धोखा है। कम से कम ये मेरा तरीका नहीं है। स्त्रियों का मै सम्मान करता हूँ मगर इसका ये मतलब नहीं है कि उनके आचरण से जुड़े गलत तौर तरीको पर आपत्ति न उठाऊं। हर संवेदनशील व्यक्ति को समय रहते स्त्रियों को उनके आपत्तिज़नक आचरण के लिए सचेत करते रहना चाहिये इस बात की परवाह किये बिना कि इसका उन्हें खामियाज़ा भुगतना पड़ सकता है। कम से कम ये बेहतर है इससें कि आप व्यर्थ के आंसू टपकायें कुछ गलत हो जाने के बाद उसी गलत आचरण की वजह से। ये अलग बात है कि हम कदम तभी उठाते है जब सार्थक कदम अपनी अहमियत खो चुके होते है। अब ना तो मुझे इनकी तरह आँसू बहाने का शौक है और ना ही मै इन निष्क्रिय आत्माओ के समूह से में अपने आपको जोड़ सकता हूँ जो व्यर्थ ही आँसू बहाने के शौक़ीन है फोकट में।इसलिए तीव्रता से विरोध करता हूँ उस अवस्था से ही जब समस्या अपने प्रारम्भिक चरण में होती है। कम से कम विरोध करना तो मेरे हाथ में ही है। अगर आप मेरा साथ देते है तो अच्छी बात है। नहीं तो मै अकेले ही अपना विरोध तीव्रता से दर्ज करता रहूँगा। जिनको जो उपाधि मुझे देना है वो स्वतंत्र है मुझे देने के लिए।
कभी कभी हमको चीजों को मानवीय दृष्टिकोण से भी समझना चाहिए, एक संवेदनशील दिमाग से भी देखना चाहिए। दिक्कत हमारे साथ ये है कि हम सब चीजों को ओवर इंटेलेक्चुअलआइज़ कर देते है। यही सबसे बड़ी समस्या है रेडिकल फेमिनिस्ट्स के साथ जो औरतो के अधिकारों के लिए लड़ रही है। अब औरतो के पास कुछ तथाकथित अपने पर्सनल अधिकार है पर जो चीज़ इस पर्सनल राइट्स के मिलने के बाद आयी कि पुरुषो के साथ परस्पर माधुर्य से जुड़े सम्बन्ध बनाने की काबिलियत का लोप हो गया। इसीलिए मुझे जो साधारण स्तर पर विचरणने वाले स्त्री पुरुष है वो ज्यादा जीवन का रस लेने वाले है बजाय दोहरी ज़िन्दगी, उलझाव भरी ज़िन्दगी जीने वाले ये अधिकारों की लडाई लड़ते स्त्री और पुरुष।
(अपने अभिन्न मित्र घनश्याम दास, मेडिकल प्रैक्टिसनर है, यूनाइटेड अरब अमीरात, जी से कहे हुए शब्द एक विचार विमर्श के दौरान सोशल नेटवर्किंग साईट पर)
The righteous have always been labelled as this or that. I have never worried about labels; crossed that stage when one is afraid of labels. To feel something terribly and yet not speak out that clearly is some sort of intellectual dishonesty. That’s not my attitude. I respect and admire women a lot but that does not mean I come to overlook the dangerous trend patterns associated with them. We have to warn them in advance, irrespective of the consequences, or else there is no point in shedding tears when something goes wrong because of the same flaws/tendencies. It’s another thing that we react only when the water starts flowing above the danger mark. And neither I wish to shed tears like these misguided souls nor I wish to identify myself with them. That’s why I aggressively protest, right from the nascent stage of crisis. At least, that’s in my hand. It’s fine if you come to support me. If not, I will still aggressively protest all alone. Let them label me as they want.
Sometimes we need to look at things from human angle, from a sensitive mind. The crude thing is that we over intellectualize everything. That’s the problem with the radical feminists advocating the rights of women. Now the women have their so-called rights but they forgot the art to have a natural and intimate relationship with man. That’s why I find simple man and woman enjoying life more than these men and women living complex lives, living dual lives, in the name of personal rights.
P.S.: These words I shared with my close friend Ghanshyam Dasji, Medical Practitioner in United Arab Emirates, on a social networking site.
It’s a rare phenomenon in a virtual world to receive comments/letters, which are powerful enough to make you go in a thinking mode. The dialogues or conversations taking place between netizens are often devoid of substance, purely for the sake of cheap thrills. Anyway, the words of my highly conscious female friend Sally, living in United Kingdom, proved to be an exception. She is an excellent blogger, who not only loves to sing but also appears to be in love with languages, being fluent in Spanish, German and French. Her views provide a deep insight about the complexities, which have begun to shatter relationship existing between man and woman. Let’s have a look at her views but before that it would be appropriate to apprise the readers of my own words which compelled Sally to have such a conscious take on this complicated issue.
And yes, Sally, when I began writing I never intended to beat the Britishers in English writing skills! I have always been interested in presentation of thoughts with not so much regards for rules of grammar. That’s what I am still doing: Learning with each passing day with greater hold on presentation of deeper thoughts, related with sensitive issues. Anyway, thanks for complimenting me on my English. They mean a lot to me. At least, they give me power to keep writing with confidence in the world of English writing, marred by fierce competitiveness.
That’s what I said:
“It’s really baffling to anticipate that women have changed a lot but the mindset that sees them as a weaker sex remains the same. We continue to treat them as sex which cannot do anything wrong. Interestingly, it had never been the reality. Not even in times when they were icons of virtue. They are equally capable of plotting in a sinister way. In fact, they are far superior in working in evil ways.
Yet we notice that when laws are framed, they are framed treating woman as a harmless creature! Will anybody explain me what’s the rationale behind this generosity shown by the lawmakers? What prevents the lawmakers from anticipating something that’s too obvious even to a person having little knowledge of women’s behaviour? This calculated ignorance on part of lawmakers has turned Indian homes into battlefields. Clash of egos is now so commonplace. The couples suffer but the policemen, lawyers, judges, women’s organizations and feminist institutions keep making money. The fights are also good for the economy. The couple living separate lives will be viewing television separately!
The times have really changed. Women make babies suffer but forget not to save time for friends, parties and doggies. This drama is, indeed, more comic than ‘The Great Indian Laughter Challenge’, and at the same time, more tragic than disaster hitting the planet earth.”
Now pay attention to the words of my extremely sensitive friend Sally:
This is a very interesting discussion. I think where there is any extreme there must always be a backlash the other way.
In this country (the UK), when women’s rights came to the fore it wasn’t too long before the balance tipped in their favour. Men were demonised (“all men are rapists”, etc.) and women insisted on equality in all areas, much to their own detriment in terms of the social niceties such as men standing when a woman entered the room, men opening doors for women, etc. Whereas women were fighting for the “right” to work, this has inevitably led to all women being expected to work, whilst still looking after their husbands and partners (forget the “New Man”, he doesn’t exist!) and also bring up their children.
This initially back-lashed to the emasculation of men and they were much derided in advertising campaigns and TV soap operas, etc.
The truth is there are intelligent people and not so intelligent people, there are good people and bad people, strong people and weak people – of both sexes – and gender doesn’t come into the equation. Men and women should have equal rights in law, and there should be fairness in society, and men and women should complement each other. Look at nature – in some respects the male dominates, in other respects the female does. There is balance.
We should respect each other’s gender, and work in harmony. We can rejoice in our differences.
As a visitor to India, I was aware that there were many aspects which seemed, to a Western observer, to be very old fashioned. Some attitudes towards women I encountered were quaint and charming, some I found patronising, and others downright offensive (whether I was judged, as a Western woman, to have looser morals I cannot say but on a couple of occasions I was manhandled – literally – in an unacceptable fashion). On the whole, however, I was treated with respect. I was, however, left with the impression that men had the upper hand culturally.
My impression before visiting India – mostly derived from watching “Bollywood” movies – was that the Indian male’s view of womanhood was that of a fragile flower, who should be chaste but sassy, and in need of the male’s protection, but who might equally be a devious temptress or harridan, using womanly wiles or a strong personality to get her own way. The truth is that men and women are not so different – we laugh, we cry, we nurture, we manipulate, we love, we hate, we feel.
Just as men abuse women, women abuse men. If anything, the abuse of men is less likely to be reported since society would have it that the abused man is weak, which is not necessarily the case at all.
Even in the UK in the 21st century there are still serious issues, such as the rights of divorced and separated fathers concerning access to their children, which need addressing. Although women are said to have equality, men are still on the whole earning more than women in similar jobs.
Oh yes, and I agree with the song “Paisa bolta hai” (money speaks). Many laws are made which protect the interests those who make them. The people who make the laws are mostly men.
May I take this opportunity to congratulate you on your English, which is probably equally as good as mine, if not better, and certainly much better than my Hindi!
I am in love with Radio since childhood. It’s my first love. That’s because it remained above the distortions that hit the silver screen /idiot box with passage of time, providing healthy entertainment, besides keeping me in touch with changes taking place in the world. The other two mediums gave way to skin show but radio kept its virginity intact for long. However, very recently I discovered that it has too given way to vulgarity and obscenity. This time vulgarity entered not through the eyes but through the ears in form of sound waves.
It took me by surprise when I found one of the very young female listeners shrieking out loudly on radio that she enjoys uninterrupted “Sex and the city” and others can also have same quality experience like her if they come to own a particular brand of set top box! It appeared to me that society has really progressed- a belief that did not stay for long. That probably also explains why we have so many late night programmes on radio, often hosted by female presentators with remarkable confidence. That makes me feel pretty awkward within as how come being a male I lack the same confidence? Anyway, the arrival of songs like “ Ooh la la“, “ Chikni Chameli“, ” Bhaag DK Bose” and “ Jalebi Bai“, to name a few, on radio wiped out whatever little respectability radio had so painfully preserved in all these ears.
Anyway, it gave me some sort of satisfaction that bombardment of such songs and programmes is indicative of growing maturity in society- something also in tune with supply and demand theory. I mean I felt when young generation can so boldly discuss and share their experiences on radio, television and online portals I have no reason to assume that times have not really changed, in which people like me owning a great degree of shyness in such matters are like great black patch on clean white plain clothe. Have a look at our teenage days. We had just morning shows at theaters delivering “Gupt Gyana” (secret knowledge), which was rarely watched by guys and gals from decent homes and then there were magazines like “Playboy” which few could afford and some Hindi books- poor versions of foreign magazines. To discuss such matters was considered taboo and television after much consideration started showing late night movies in late 80s, which none watched.
Look at our times. We have helpline numbers that deal with queries related with post marriage worries !! There is growing awareness about sex education, more than need of moral education- to such an extent that talks about moral education seems to be regressive! Well, my eyes were wide opened when some months ago next door young boy,studying in good school and belonging to a good family, asked me ,” Do I own CD of Murder-2 ?” My response in negative made him give me a strange stare and he was virtually annoyed when I asked why he has so much interest in movie having bold scenes-based on theme revolving around extra marital affairs? He smiled and said I am not in sync with recent trends!! I found merit in his response , after all, how come I forgot that all national magazines carry out sex surveys, which has details of intimate moments ? These are easily available low priced magazines which anyone can afford!! Gone are the days when “ Roop tera Mastana” or “ Julie I love you” aesthetically picturized songs, evoked unheard sensations. It’s a different world wherein explicit details in normal conversations are commonplace and sexting has killed all scope for unheard sensations.
The point is do these signs are indicative of the fact that society is on right track after having become comfortable with sex related issues? The answer is a big “No”! Just now I signed a petition that will serve as a memorandum to Commissioner of Police, New Delhi, compelling him to take note of “Gang-rapes, sexual assaults, victim blaming, shameful rape trials” which have terribly hit Delhi/NCR. It reported the highest number of ‘rape’ cases (414) in 2010, leading it to earn dubious distinction of being rape capital of India. The other cities are also not that safe. In Calcutta a woman was raped by five youths when they were offered lift by her in middle of the night. In Gurgaon, a woman pub employee was allegedly gang-raped by six youth in a flat in the city. The sensational rape case of a BPO employee at Dhaula Kuan is still fresh in our memories.
After such incidents males are cursed, viewing rapes in narrow perspective as subordination of females in patriarchal society a way via which males prove their superiority over females. The feminists and intellectuals speak about ways and means to prevent rapes the way this petition talks about like better promotion of ‘women helplines, monitoring through CCTV’s, sexual assault prevention and redressal policy, state and police sensitivity towards women, workplace safety and awareness campaigns. However, the big picture is often ignored. At this point it would be not be out of place to suggest that the United States has the world’s highest rape rate. A country that has high level of transparency in sexual affairs with a great freedom to indulge in sexual experimentation. Let’s also remember it’s a society highly feminist in nature. “1 of 6 U.S. women and 1 of 33 U.S. men have experienced an attempted or completed rape” states one of the reports published several years back.
Let me state that this issue has many complex facet. The same society that proclaims about freedom of sexual preferences and about attainment of maturity has utterly failed to address some of the key questions related with sexuality. The same society also deals with serious issues in biased manner as its more interested in vilification of men community and sharp polarization of society for vested interests. It boasts of sexual freedom but it loves to highlight important issues related with men and women in stereotypical way. That’s one of the greatest paradox in our times. It’s because more women in offices means greater consumption of material goods and so none of the countries including India can dare to ignore demands associated with women as they play a great role in stabilization of nation’s economy.
However, this has led to another problem. The market oriented global society has utilized women’s efficiency not only as qualified labour but also used her sexuality to great extent in selling of the products as well which these women are producing. Nokia sets are made in some remote part of India with the help of over burdened male and female staff and these very phones are launched at glittering ceremony, wherein one notices gorgeous male/female star accompanied by good looking females! Notice how sexuality is also being promoted along with new Nokia set!!
The problem arises here: Youth can buy a Nokia set but how and where will they unleash their sexual energy? That’s why it’s also promoted that we are now a country which allows many sexual preferences, enabling girls to boast “why should boys have all the fun? ” A certain sexual tension is gradually built. Want to buy a soap? Buy one which impresses girls easily or buy one which sexy Katrina Kaif uses over her long legs!! Want to buy a toothpaste? Use one which leads to freshness of breath so that it’s easier to attract kiss of a beautiful girl? If you use certain cream you attain a great glow to attract young girls and if female is using such a cream glow of her face is sure to get her a job!! It’s not enough to see the ball reaching the boundary. See how semi naked cheer girls express their joy when ball races towards boundary! You buy something and the woman cashier at counter, being impressed by the mobile you carry, offers you condom to compensate for lack of change!!
That sort of sexual impressions are being constantly generated. These are false images. But they are powerful enough to shatter into pieces better values. They lead to dangerous conditioning of mind. As a result right people from both the sexes suffer. If you are not allowing healthy release of sexual energy even as the the mind gets hammered with sexual images of all the types will it not lead to perversions of all types? Will it not lead to rapists and sexual offenders? Why are only men being vilified? Why not the system in its entirety being targeted? Will tough laws that seem to punish all the men and laws which view rest of the men as potential rapists serve the purpose? I think these are not preventive measures but methods to end the human society for forever.
Now let’s talk about love as well. The same Indian society which gives the impression that it has evolved to great extent is still comprised of people having more closed mind than people living in stone age. On the one hand, we find one reputed female editor finding extra marital affairs good for keeping marriage lively and, on the other hand, we have societies which hang to death boy and girl for loving each other just because they belonged to different caste. One real love story gives gives rises to many problems in India. Angry parents, shocked relatives, red-faced friends and hostile law authorities all make the life of lovers no less than living hell. No wonder the path of true love is never easy.
It’s quite ironical that casual sex has so many takers if one takes into account growing number of teenage pregnancies or sex at the call centers or growing number of educated girls from good families joining prostitution to earn good money in short time but the same society is not yet ready to embrace the lovers with open arms. That reminds me of middle class morality, which finds its appearance in dramas written by G B Shaw. A stiff resistance often greets lovers, who not only have to face hostile law authorities but also be face-to-face with shrewd moves of deceptive friends and relatives. Deceptive friends? Tell any friend that you are in love with some girl and you are bound to hear anyone passing this great information that she has slept with him too!! A lobby of bad friends gets in action side by side good ones, leading to dominance of half truths. True lovers get above such traps but not all are that great willed and so most love stories end up on tragic note.
So it’s okay to be fake lovers, in which there is display of money but no real emotions. Just the way a new movie get released every Friday, a new girlfriend or boyfriend appears in life of such lovers. It’s okay to be a couple, who have no respect for each other but they are in relationship to keep the society happy or , for that matter, to keep the honour of family intact. Often such couples are involved in serious clashes and some even come to murder their partners. However, the Indian society has place for all such incidents. It treats them as part and parcel of drama called human life. What really baffles is that these same block heads who endorse all ills of societies in name of growth of society are so harsh towards lovers seriously in love with each other!! The custodians of morality still issue death warrants to them all in name of religion, caste, language and status.
Let’s hope that Indian society which is so eager to convey the impression that it has evolved and in tune with better sensibilities makes way for right people, create room for healthy relationships and removes chosen contradictions. At present, it’s in cusp which is neither modern nor ancient. I prefer not to treat it as a society trapped in transition. It’s probably moving away from its core: The core made up of ancient wisdom which treated even insentient objects worthy of admiration.
Look at present age. We are murdering our own kids-only because they fail to fulfill our expectations. We believed that husband and wife are each other’s reflection. Today we find that most of them are living in dead relationship. We treated women as object of worship. Today she is some ‘chikni chameli’ or, if that’s not the case, she is promoting some mobile or deodorant via the charm of her body !! Our wise present age intellectuals call prostitution the oldest profession. They forget that we have produced women who have set high precedents. Let’s not glorify trash even as we come to make way for trash to make the life attain full circle.