Two Faces Of Masculinity From The Crude Real World Supposedly Belonging To Men In The Eyes Of Feminists!
This year in the month of September a senior police officer, belonging to IPS cadre, tried to commit suicide in Maharashtra. Such news report now do not stir the emotions of common mass other than creating short-lived ripples within some sensitive minds. Even when it forces the thinking class to take cognizance of such news items, the centre of gravity in these discussions remain governed by flimsy causes and after a certain period the issue gets swept under the carpet.
In this particular sensational incident, this senior police officer was at the receiving end of humiliating gestures at the hands of another junior officer, belonging to IAS cadre. This harassment continued for a certain period of time and seeing no way to get out of this mess this hard-working and honest police official set himself on fire. The reason why this police officer faced the ire of this junior IAS officer was that he had found this junior officer responsible for alleged irregularities in the Maharashtra State Road Transport Corporation (MSRTC). This IPS officer in his capacity as the Chief Vigilance Officer of the MSRTC submitted an inquiry report, which found this officer guilty, who was, ironically, the head of this department at that point of time.
That’s one of the few examples from world of ours, which contradicts the claims of feminists always unfailingly harping on the same string that world belongs to men! Unfortunately, they never realize that it’s rough, cruel and hellish for men-at-large for most of the time. The wives of such hard-working honest officials, who see such husbands as no more than a source to have ready cash all the time for their sense gratification, either in form of buying costly jewelries, costly attires, rarely come to realize what’s actually the state of affairs in lives of the their husbands. Worse, being unaware of the harsh realities prevailing in the world of men, the women show no haste in throwing tantrums on one pretext or another.
Husbands usually do not protest over such whimsical demands of wives since in their eyes giving way to demands of their wives appears to be some sort of fulfilling one’s duty towards them! And that’s how women come to rule over them and in turn exploit them. Ironically, now laced with new rights, wives have become more possessive, greedy and irrational. It’s a sad declaration but it’s true that scenario would not change in future. It would remain the same, wherein husbands like, bonded labourers, would continue to serve their wives, even as they remained at the receiving end of most tragic developments in world outside the confines of drying room.
In one of the famous restaurants of Allahabad, popular among love birds, arrived one such couple. Everything went alright between these two lovers, enjoying a happy conversation amid refreshments. Suddenly, a call arrived on the phone of male friend and he went on to have a long conversation. Being suspicious about the nature of the phone call, the female partner inquired about it from her lover. The explanation offered by the male partner did not appear convincing to her and that led to heated debate between the two. The happy mood gave way to high voltage drama marred by panic and tension. The female partner, who belonged to elite class, being unaware of the consequences of involving police, telephoned the police station of that area stating she was being sexually assaulted. The police acted in prompt manner, beating his male partner black and blue, right in front of her eyes, dragged him to the police station.
The girl who did not imagine such fatal consequences and to an extent feeling sorry about the whole episode informed the police officer in the police station that her complaint was fake! She telephoned merely to teach a fitting lesson to his male partner! Perhaps she did not want that matter should reach to their homes, which was going to be the case in next few minutes. The police, taking a liberal view on the whole episode, released both of them warning them not to indulge in such drama again, which involved police. The couple promising them to behave responsibly left the police station with happy and relaxed faces. Such boyfriends, new face of masculinity in modern times would grow in numbers, willing to serve their girlfriends at all costs, no matter if it involves putting at stake one’s self-respect!
News Item Published In Dainik Jagaran
इसी साल सितम्बर महीने में महाराष्ट्र में एक सीनिअर पुलिस अफसर ने आत्महत्या करने की कोशिश की. ऐसी बाते हमारे भारतीय परिदृश्य में आम जनमानस के एक अल्पकालिक सनसनी के सिवाय ज्यादा कुछ पैदा नहीं करती। कुछ बतकही होती है इधर उधर की कुछ समय तक और फिर मामला ठंडा पड़ जाता है. लेकिन मै कुछ सोचने पर मजबूर हो गया. इस घटना के पीछे इस अधिकारी की प्रताड़ना थी जो ये एक अपने से जूनियर आई ए एस के हाथो कई वर्षो से झेल रहा था. वो भी इस वजह से कि इस अफसर ने ईमानदारी से काम करते हुए इस अधिकारी को एक इन्क्वायरी रिपोर्ट में कुछ मामलो में दोषी पाया था। और बात इस कदर बढ़ी कि इस अफसर ने अपने को आग के हवाले कर लिया।
इस घटना का उल्लेख करने की वजह ये है कि जिन ऐसी अफसरो की बीवियाँ गहनो और महँगी साड़ियों से सुसज्जित पति को प्राप्त हर सुख सुविधा का भोग करती है उनको शायद इस बात का जरा सा भी अंदेशा नहीं रहता कि उनके पति किस तरह के समस्यायों से जूझ रहे है. उस पर से तुर्रा ये कि किसी चीज़ की कमी बेसी पर आसमान सर पर उठा लेने में जरा भी देर नहीं लगाती है. और ये घर घर की कहानी है. इस घर और ऑफिस के दो पाटो में हर मर्द पिस जाता है लेकिन अपने शोषण पर उफ़ नहीं करता क्योकि ये उसको अपना कर्त्वय लगता है. और जबकि इनकी पत्नियाँ हर तरह के अधिकारो से लैस इस तरह के मर्दो को कोल्हू का बैल बना के रखती है. और जिस तरह से इनको अधिकार मिलते ही जा रहे है उससे नहीं लगता कि आने वाले समय में परिदृश्य बदलेगा।
इलाहाबाद का एक प्रसिद्ध रेस्टॉरंट जहा हमेशा की तरह आधुनिक प्यार को विस्तार देते कई प्रेमी प्रेमिकाएँ बैठे है. इन्ही तमाम जोड़ो में से एक के बीच ऐसा हुआ. एक प्रेमी प्रेमिका बैठे हुए है कि अचानक प्रेमी का मोबाइल बज उठता है जिस पर वो किसी से लम्बी बात करता है तो प्रेमिका ने डिटेल्स लेनी चाहिए लेकिन प्रेमी के जवाब से संतुष्ट ना हुई. और जो इन दोनों के बीच मधुर बातो का सिलसिला चल रहा था वो तकरार के भयंकर रूप में परिवर्तित हो गया. बात यहाँ तक बढ़ी कि प्रेमिका ने तुरंत पुलिस को फ़ोन पर सूचित किया कि उसके साथ छेड़ छाड़ हो रही है. ऐसे मामलो में अति सक्रिय पुलिस तुरंत आ पहुँची और उसके बॉयफ्रैन्ड को तुरंत मारते पीटते थाने ले गए. प्रेमिका चूँकि एलिट क्लास से थी सो उसको अंदाजा ना था कि फ़ोन करने पर ऐसा भी हो सकता है. बात क्योकि अब थाने और घरवालो तक पहुचने वाली थी सो प्रेमिका ने मामले को खत्म करने के इरादे से सच बता दिया कि ऐसा कुछ नहीं था. वो केवल बॉयफ्रेन्ड को सबक सीखना चाहती थी. सो पुलिस ने हलकी से दोनों को चेतावनी देते हुए दोनों को छोड़ दिया। दोनों भविष्य में ऐसा ना करने की कसम खाते हुए फिर से इकट्ठा साथ निकल लिए. मर्दानगी के आधुनिक नमूने इस तरह के बॉयफ्रेंड की फसलें सदा लहलहाती रहेंगी जिसे इस तरह की लड़किया हमेशा अपने हिसाब से काटती रहेगी।
News Item Published In Dainik Jagaran.
I am neither misogynist nor anti-feminist, and not even a Men’s Rights Activist (MRA). Many of my friends working for these organisations feel I should be one like them in a formal way, but being on a different route, I prefer not to identify with any organization, be they ones from spiritual or political background. So it would be useless to measure the worth of author’s views as someone acting as mouthpiece of any organization. Let’s not forget that to come up with entirely different set of facts, a different version of reality not in tune with set patterns, is not bizarre. On the contrary, it’s the result of having viewed the world from close angles! An open mind would certainly realize it. To follow a different route does not make anyone regressive, biased, much less a Talibani with a capacity to issue a fatwa! Ridiculous assertion!
Why should every analyst of our times present a syrupy version of happenings taking place in world of present times women, wherein “every bad thing any man has ever committed highlighted and exaggerated; every bit of good systematically undermined, vilified or ignored”? It’s only that I feel inclined to represent the cause of men, not out sense of any “same gender” feeling but only from justice point of view, which demands that other side should also be heard well. It’s the other side of the fence that I am presenting with total sincerity, different perspective and neutral stance !
कुछ नहीं दिखता था अंधेरे में मगर, आंखें तो थीं,
ये कैसी रोशनी आई कि सब अंधे हो गए।।
(Though we cannot see in dark with our eyes,
It’s strange that we cannot see even as there is light around us)….
Feminism, as a movement, was started in late nineteenth century to demand female rights in society. “At the end of the nineteenth century was that women began to realize that it is unfair for them to be constantly under the power of men simply because the social system has traditionally favored males.” At this point, it’s inappropriate to discuss the impact of this movement in West, but this movement seems to have lost its impact there in modern times. May be because women have gained enough rights there but, in my eyes, it’s because both have realized well that battle of the sexes serves no purpose other than breeding animosity. “To know the road ahead, ask those coming back”.
The Indian women, who have misplaced beliefs that having all the rights ensures better days should, at least, have the guts to critically analyze the impact of such divisive and lethal movement in Western societies. Anyway, it’s better that I confine myself to Indian landscape. It’s better to understand the essential elements of Indian society, viewing it not through the myopic terms coined by the so-called progressive elements, but in a conscious way to tear apart the great game of gender equality. It’s interesting that many arguments have been forwarded to show the worth of female mind. Many love to cite the growing academic excellence of Indian women as one of the parameters to upheld the intellectual superiority of women. However, wisdom and real understanding have nothing to do with academic excellence. Many of the great contributors, in fact, nearly all creative geniuses, were very poor in academic terms plus they were never part of institutionalized structures. I say that not to lessen the importance of academic excellence but to highlight the worth of education offered in Indian schools and universities, which are killing all the good elements which a child possesses.
The Indian society might have so-called patriarchal model but it’s a sheer diabolical myth that it was framed to suppress the position of women, much less, exploit the women. The Indian society has always been women-centered society. The concept like “”Ardhanareeswara”, aimed at equality of women, which ensured that Shiva without female principle “Shakti” means nothing, always made Indian women enjoy dignified position in Indian society. Even in modern Indian Hindu families, having a balanced and sensible approach, the women always gain upper hand in all issues. All important issues have her consent, wherein her views gain as much importance than any male member. Have a look at the marriage vows. They in clear terms ensure that women come to enjoy an equal ground.
Gribhnami te saubhagatvaya hastam mayapatya jardastirayathasah|
Bhagoaryyamma savita purandhiramahyam tvadurgaharpatya devah||
That is – “Oh dear! On this auspicious occasion of our life, I take your hand in mine in the presence of invoked deities. Oh blessed woman! You be with me as a fortunate partner for a very long time. I hand over the control of my family in your hands, discharge your duties joyously.”
It’s a fallacious assertion that men enjoyed privileges in past while the women remained an oppressed lot. “Society is largely constructed for the benefit of women and children and always has been, otherwise it doesn’t survive. …It takes a gigantic lack of imagination (usually the sole province of baby feminists) to believe that women wanted the economic and political involvement they claim now when the demands and risks of these endeavours were as they were then (ancient times)”. The Indian society is also no exception. It’s always portrayed as if women in the past were some sort of domestic slaves, devoid of any sort of right to decide by themselves. Well, such a claim can only be made by people who have not bothered to know Indian society in its entirety. Even the most ancient ladies in Indian history had the right to chose their husbands via a ceremony called Swyamvara. The women were well versed in scriptural knowledge and many among them were qualified scholars.
True, with advent of time many of the glorious traditions (the great spirit which led to their origin) faded away to give way to their corrupt versions. It would not be out of place to mention that practice like dowry was basically the Streedhan to ensure that a woman is “not left wanting anything after the wedding”. The impression of men being unconcerned about the rights of women is quite powerfully projected but lesser known aspect is that men have played an instrumental role in any movement aimed at improvement of women. The greatest example in this category is abolition of Sati Pratha and banning of child marriages. Anyway, the division in labour in Indian society was done by the sages, who played an impartial role while framing laws related with basic structure of Indian society. It favoured none.
Had Indian society been truly patriarchal in nature, as suggested by new age scholars, it would have never led to emergence of bold Indian women who always played equal role in Indian society. Be they queens of ancient era, or the women freedom fighters of pre-Independence era, the Indian women played a significant role. It would not have been possible had women been denied the right to make choices. The modern Indian society is facing new set of complexities but the solution is not devaluation of ancient practices. The empowerment of Indian women does not mean women be entitled to make arbitrary choices on the grounds that men also did the same! In fact, it presupposes that men enjoyed unlimited freedom of all sorts. It’s totally false and erroneous notion. Their choices were also determined by the prescribed rules, keeping in mind the interests of women and children. Let’s be clear that the empowerment of women does not mean to give way to propaganda that “women alone have sufferings and women alone have problems in life”.
At present, the situation has become pretty confusing and dangerous for the growth of Indian society. The men are being repeatedly portrayed as abusers, leading to anti-family and anti-marriage laws. Indeed, there are problems related with Indian women but then effective measures in form of stringent laws are already there to take note of them. There are many institutions to take care of plight of women, whose recommendations have led to new rules, fresh amendments and etc. in form of Domestic Violence Act, Dowry Act and Maintenance Act, to name a few. In Vishaka v. State of Rajasthan, the Supreme Court of India in 1997 laid down the guidelines to ensure that sexual harassment at the workplace does not take place, which resulted in framing of the “The Sexual Harassment of Women at Workplace (Prevention, Prohibition and Redressal) Bill, 2012”. The problems pertaining to women are being systematically dealt with, and much of the problems have not arisen out of lack of concern for the cause of women in Indian society, but because of lack of effective implementation. So it’s really shrewd to suggest that patriarchal society favours men!
Let’s understand that in name of personal freedom and personal choices one cannot give way to lifestyle which ensures conflicts and dilemmas of disturbing nature. A choice has to be in league with prevalent norms and customs. Or else, women need to effectively satisfy that their choices would not lead to turbulent state of affairs. There is nothing like absolute freedom. She has to convince what would be the state of affairs in such a society, which allows women unrestricted freedom in name of personal choices? That’s because, if there comes no plausible explanation, and still we went in for such a society, it would be hard to wipe out the new set of complexities. That’s the case in other parts of the hemisphere. To see the resistance offered by men, or by the people belonging to old order of living patterns as an attempt to hold back the privileges enjoyed in the patriarchal set-up is not the right interpretation. It’s also not fear to lose the power or monopoly. On the contrary, it’s an attempt to prevent the citadels of society from crumbling down.
It’s simply not issue of having choices/making choices in free manner; it’s more about long term consequences of having choices, which indicate the high probability of single women, pills, abortions, extra-marital relations, same-sex relations, stress-related burdens, broken families, deviant kids and etc.? What about the dangerous interference in the evolutionary process, wherein for ages men played the role of protector and women the role of nurturing the kids? With this kind of perverted “role reversal”, are’t we on the wrong track? One of my friends, during gender related conversation, referring to Sunita Williams ( as if only after that Indian women learnt the art to make exceptional choices) stated that she did not have kids for the sake of work! It would be suffice to say that if all women made such a choice, it would not be hard to imagine the fate of evolution of human species! However, this is classic example of selective approach, wherein a woman seeks benefits of traditional society when she feels trapped by her weaknesses but she is absolutely modern when it comes to making choices and rights. That’s paradox at its best since.
After all, it involves taming of the men species to ensure that inequality gets reduced! That has begun in a cruel fashion. Men are now supposed to do something which is never their strength, and a retaliatory gesture on their part is enough to get them the tag of being an abuser and an oppressor! Who will bear the consequences of “placing men and women in a conflicting role and creating confusion in values”? But that’s still not as ominous as an attempt to create a society which denies even the right to protest on part of men. “Under cover of the notion of chivalry, as understood by Modern Feminism, Political and Sentimental Feminists alike would deprive men of the most elementary rights of self-defence against women and would exonerate the latter practically from all punishment for the most dastardly crimes against men. They know they can rely upon the support of the sentimental section of public opinion with some such parrot cry of: “Treat a woman in this way!”/ “What! Hit a woman!”.
It’s interesting that women learnt to move out of their houses, refusing to remain confined to prison like state of affairs within the home, and began to notice that world outside is a different affair altogether. It missed the “having all the pleasure factor” which they had assumed prevailed in men’s life as they began to venture outside. The world would remain a hell’s replica and it would not going to change whether women remains inside the home or moves outside, fulfilling their aspirations and dreams in fullest manner. However, having said that, let’s make the world safer and better for the women community. Nobody said that problems pertaining to women’s life, be they of any type, sexual assault, low wages, discrimination, should be ignored.
What I wish to suggest is that while dealing with women’s issues, the gender politics should not get mixed with the reforms. An attempt to distort the intimate relationship with men and women should not become the prime motive in guise of welfare. Sadly, that’s how one feels while analyzing the current state of affairs, wherein right from biological facts, psychological facts and legal truths, all are being selectively quoted, or quoted in perverted manner to suit the vested interests acting as agents of change in world of women.
That’s why all conscious souls, interested in right developments, should become alert when “there is no distinction between potential and probability. An allegation suffices for proof. Hearsay is taken for gospel.” (Charles E. Corry). Rohan, Men’s Rights activist, Bangalore, conveys the same sentiments in a different way: ” Women have the right to be seated when in a bus or in a train. They have the right to 50% reservation in govt. jobs and academics. They have the right to claim alimony and maintenance, even in a live-in relationship. They have only rights and men only have duties. This is called equality, according to feminazis.”
Precisely, it’s for the very same reason it has become need of the hour to present the happenings taking place in world of men in an aggressive and conscious manner. The happier side of the movements aimed to improve the life of women has been “demolition of the idea that women are inherently nice”. The thing that’s now taking place is that discrimination and abuse stories related with women are being presented both in right and wrong way, with help of paid media. Facts, right and wrong, are flowing thick and past to show that how women have been underprivileged and suppressed lot. No one is bothered to check either the authenticity of facts nor the source, forget about probing them from wide angles.
Anyway, since all this is happening in the name of ensuring a better world for women, I am but compelled to endorse them. But with a condition and appeal: Let’s also reveal the true picture of the sufferings, pains, humiliation, torture faced by men side-by-side the stories which talk about sufferings of women, with the same honesty and intensity! That alone will bring the true story, true picture. At present, we are witnessing with abuse stories related with women only. That’s unfair to hear/see only one side in any story and jump to flawed conclusions applicable to totality.
Why such a wish irks those concerned with rights of women? Will society be a better place only if you enable the women to have all the rights? Why shouldn’t the rights of men be discussed in the same breath? Why should not adequate attention be paid to silent sufferings of men? It leaves me aghast that tragedies, stories of discrimination associated with men, their precarious state of affairs being involved in hazardous and tough activities and regular interaction with dilemmas and ironies of peculiar type are being talked about in matter-of-fact tones. Worse, any attempt to bring the truth get checkmated by giving the impression that since men are about to lose the power, lose the privileges, these are reactionary backlash. That’s an absurd and fleeting observation. The right interpretation is that men have now begun to get organized to make “gender equality” attain a right shape, a right balance, a right proportion. And this would never stop.
P.S.: Many thanks to my friend, Rohan, whose views I have borrowed from the conversation we had on Instablogs on one of my posts having the same theme. He is Men’s Rights Activist hailing from Bangalore.
Society Always Tilted Towards Women
It’s a rare phenomenon in a virtual world to receive comments/letters, which are powerful enough to make you go in a thinking mode. The dialogues or conversations taking place between netizens are often devoid of substance, purely for the sake of cheap thrills. Anyway, the words of my highly conscious female friend Sally, living in United Kingdom, proved to be an exception. She is an excellent blogger, who not only loves to sing but also appears to be in love with languages, being fluent in Spanish, German and French. Her views provide a deep insight about the complexities, which have begun to shatter relationship existing between man and woman. Let’s have a look at her views but before that it would be appropriate to apprise the readers of my own words which compelled Sally to have such a conscious take on this complicated issue.
And yes, Sally, when I began writing I never intended to beat the Britishers in English writing skills! I have always been interested in presentation of thoughts with not so much regards for rules of grammar. That’s what I am still doing: Learning with each passing day with greater hold on presentation of deeper thoughts, related with sensitive issues. Anyway, thanks for complimenting me on my English. They mean a lot to me. At least, they give me power to keep writing with confidence in the world of English writing, marred by fierce competitiveness.
That’s what I said:
“It’s really baffling to anticipate that women have changed a lot but the mindset that sees them as a weaker sex remains the same. We continue to treat them as sex which cannot do anything wrong. Interestingly, it had never been the reality. Not even in times when they were icons of virtue. They are equally capable of plotting in a sinister way. In fact, they are far superior in working in evil ways.
Yet we notice that when laws are framed, they are framed treating woman as a harmless creature! Will anybody explain me what’s the rationale behind this generosity shown by the lawmakers? What prevents the lawmakers from anticipating something that’s too obvious even to a person having little knowledge of women’s behaviour? This calculated ignorance on part of lawmakers has turned Indian homes into battlefields. Clash of egos is now so commonplace. The couples suffer but the policemen, lawyers, judges, women’s organizations and feminist institutions keep making money. The fights are also good for the economy. The couple living separate lives will be viewing television separately!
The times have really changed. Women make babies suffer but forget not to save time for friends, parties and doggies. This drama is, indeed, more comic than ‘The Great Indian Laughter Challenge’, and at the same time, more tragic than disaster hitting the planet earth.”
Now pay attention to the words of my extremely sensitive friend Sally:
This is a very interesting discussion. I think where there is any extreme there must always be a backlash the other way.
In this country (the UK), when women’s rights came to the fore it wasn’t too long before the balance tipped in their favour. Men were demonised (“all men are rapists”, etc.) and women insisted on equality in all areas, much to their own detriment in terms of the social niceties such as men standing when a woman entered the room, men opening doors for women, etc. Whereas women were fighting for the “right” to work, this has inevitably led to all women being expected to work, whilst still looking after their husbands and partners (forget the “New Man”, he doesn’t exist!) and also bring up their children.
This initially back-lashed to the emasculation of men and they were much derided in advertising campaigns and TV soap operas, etc.
The truth is there are intelligent people and not so intelligent people, there are good people and bad people, strong people and weak people – of both sexes – and gender doesn’t come into the equation. Men and women should have equal rights in law, and there should be fairness in society, and men and women should complement each other. Look at nature – in some respects the male dominates, in other respects the female does. There is balance.
We should respect each other’s gender, and work in harmony. We can rejoice in our differences.
As a visitor to India, I was aware that there were many aspects which seemed, to a Western observer, to be very old fashioned. Some attitudes towards women I encountered were quaint and charming, some I found patronising, and others downright offensive (whether I was judged, as a Western woman, to have looser morals I cannot say but on a couple of occasions I was manhandled – literally – in an unacceptable fashion). On the whole, however, I was treated with respect. I was, however, left with the impression that men had the upper hand culturally.
My impression before visiting India – mostly derived from watching “Bollywood” movies – was that the Indian male’s view of womanhood was that of a fragile flower, who should be chaste but sassy, and in need of the male’s protection, but who might equally be a devious temptress or harridan, using womanly wiles or a strong personality to get her own way. The truth is that men and women are not so different – we laugh, we cry, we nurture, we manipulate, we love, we hate, we feel.
Just as men abuse women, women abuse men. If anything, the abuse of men is less likely to be reported since society would have it that the abused man is weak, which is not necessarily the case at all.
Even in the UK in the 21st century there are still serious issues, such as the rights of divorced and separated fathers concerning access to their children, which need addressing. Although women are said to have equality, men are still on the whole earning more than women in similar jobs.
Oh yes, and I agree with the song “Paisa bolta hai” (money speaks). Many laws are made which protect the interests those who make them. The people who make the laws are mostly men.
May I take this opportunity to congratulate you on your English, which is probably equally as good as mine, if not better, and certainly much better than my Hindi!