From Sally To Arvind: Thoughts Deciphering Relationship Between Man And Woman


It's Never Easy To Truly Understand Each Other

It’s Never Easy To Truly Understand Each Other

It’s a rare phenomenon in a virtual world to receive comments/letters, which are powerful enough to make you go in a thinking mode. The dialogues or conversations taking place between  netizens are often devoid of substance, purely for the sake of cheap thrills. Anyway, the words of my highly conscious female friend Sally, living in United Kingdom, proved to be an exception. She is an excellent blogger, who not only loves to sing but also appears to be in love with languages, being fluent in Spanish, German and French. Her views provide a deep insight about the complexities, which have begun to shatter relationship existing between man and woman. Let’s have a look at her views but before that it would be appropriate to apprise the readers of my own words which compelled Sally to have such a conscious take on this complicated issue.

And yes, Sally, when I began writing I never intended to beat the Britishers in English writing skills! I have always been interested in presentation of thoughts with not so much regards for rules of grammar. That’s what I am still doing: Learning with each passing day with greater hold on presentation of deeper thoughts, related with sensitive issues. Anyway, thanks for complimenting me on my English. They mean a lot to me. At least, they give me power to keep writing with confidence in the world of English writing, marred by fierce competitiveness.

That’s what I said:

“It’s really baffling to anticipate that women have changed a lot but the mindset that sees them as a weaker sex remains the same. We continue to treat them as sex which cannot do anything wrong. Interestingly, it had never been the reality. Not even in times when they were icons of virtue. They are equally capable of plotting in a sinister way. In fact, they are far superior in working in evil ways.

Yet we notice that when laws are framed, they are framed treating woman as a harmless creature!  Will anybody explain me what’s the rationale behind this generosity shown by the lawmakers? What prevents the lawmakers from anticipating something that’s too obvious even to a person having little knowledge of women’s behaviour? This calculated ignorance on part of lawmakers has turned Indian homes into battlefields. Clash of egos is now so commonplace. The couples suffer but the policemen, lawyers, judges, women’s organizations and feminist institutions keep making money. The fights are also good for the economy. The couple living separate lives will be viewing television separately!

The times have really changed. Women make babies suffer but forget not to save time for friends, parties and doggies. This drama is, indeed, more comic than ‘The Great Indian Laughter Challenge’, and at the same time, more tragic than disaster hitting the planet earth.”

Now pay attention to the words of my extremely sensitive friend Sally:

This is a very interesting discussion. I think where there is any extreme there must always be a backlash the other way.

In this country (the UK), when women’s rights came to the fore it wasn’t too long before the balance tipped in their favour.  Men were demonised (“all men are rapists”, etc.) and women insisted on equality in all areas, much to their own detriment in terms of the social niceties such as men standing when a woman entered the room, men opening doors for women, etc. Whereas women were fighting for the “right” to work, this has inevitably led to all women being expected to work, whilst still looking after their husbands and partners (forget the “New Man”, he doesn’t exist!) and also bring up their children.

This initially back-lashed to the emasculation of men and they were much derided in advertising campaigns and TV soap operas, etc.

The truth is there are intelligent people and not so intelligent people, there are good people and bad people, strong people and weak people – of both sexes – and gender doesn’t come into the equation. Men and women should have equal rights in law, and there should be fairness in society, and men and women should complement each other. Look at nature – in some respects the male dominates, in other respects the female does. There is balance.

We should respect each other’s gender, and work in harmony. We can rejoice in our differences.

As a visitor to India, I was aware that there were many aspects which seemed, to a Western observer, to be very old fashioned. Some attitudes towards women I encountered were quaint and charming, some I found patronising, and others downright offensive (whether I was judged, as a Western woman, to have looser morals I cannot say but on a couple of occasions I was manhandled – literally – in an unacceptable fashion). On the whole, however, I was treated with respect. I was, however, left with the impression that men had the upper hand culturally.

My impression before visiting India – mostly derived from watching “Bollywood” movies – was that the Indian male’s view of womanhood was that of a fragile flower, who should be chaste but sassy, and in need of the male’s protection,  but who might equally be a devious temptress or harridan, using womanly wiles or a strong personality to get her own way. The truth is that men and women are not so different – we laugh, we cry, we nurture, we manipulate, we love, we hate, we feel.

Just as men abuse women, women abuse men. If anything, the abuse of men is less likely to be reported since society would have it that the abused man is weak, which is not necessarily the case at all.

Even in the UK in the 21st century there are still serious issues, such as the rights of divorced and separated fathers concerning access to their children, which need addressing. Although women are said to have equality, men are still on the whole earning more than women in similar jobs.

Oh yes, and I agree with the song “Paisa bolta hai” (money speaks). Many laws are made which protect the interests those who make them. The people who make the laws are mostly men.

May I take this opportunity to congratulate you on your English, which is probably equally as good as mine, if not better, and certainly much better than my Hindi!


Balance  Alone Leads To Genuine Intimacy

Balance Alone Leads To Genuine Intimacy


Pics Credit:

Pic One 

Pic Two


14 responses

  1. @Personal Concerns

    Many thanks for visiting the post!

  2. Many thanks to all my readers, who registered their presence on this post in a big way.

    Amit Chaturvedi, New Delhi; Himanshu B.Pandey, Siwan (Bihar); Dharmendra Sharma,United Arab Emirates; Anupam Verma, New Delhi; Sudhir Dwivedi, New Delhi; Manjoy Laxhmi, Nagpur (Maharashtra); David Fox; Kalpana Tripathi, Mumbai(Maharashtra); Shikha Shukla, Jaipur (Rajashthan); Patil Rucha, Navi Mumbai(Maharashtra); Shruti Sikarwar, Bangalore( Karnataka); Sunny Mahajan, Chandigarh (Punjab); Mandeep Kushwaha, Sitapur (Uttar Pradesh); Forest Star Walz, San Jose, California (United States);Khan Muhammed Gafar, Kerala; Bunty Singh, New Delhi; Anand Madhav; Deepak Kesari, Bangalore (Karnataka); Mile Sur Mera Tumhara, New Delhi; Rajiv Gangar, Mumbai (Maharashtra); Aoirthoir An Broc Masculinist, Cleveland, Ohio (United States); Michael Schweidleim, Berlin (Germany) and Abdul Gadr, Mumbai (Maharashtra)

  3. Mukesh Tiwary, Patna (Bihar), said:

    You are right gone are the days of sita but we still believe that she exists..

    Author’s Response:

    The search usually leads to complete breakdown, huge frustration…

  4. @Laurie Buchanan

    Many thanks for your appreciation..It’s a great feeling to see you making an appearance on my post 🙂

  5. @Chandrapal S Bhaskar, United Kingdom, said:

    “Although women are said to have equality, men are still on the whole earning more than women in similar jobs.” – a serious misonception, but given that your commentator is a “liberated” western woman, it is not surprising that she has put no efforts to research in this.

    Also following articles papers by Catherine Hakim (who is a “soft” feminist herself) –

    ‘Women, careers, and work-life preferences’, British Journal of Guidance and Counselling, special issue edited by Amal Al-Sawad and Laurie Cohen, 34: 279-294, August 2006. Reprinted 2006 in Hungarian Journal Tudás Menedzsment

    `The search for equality’ (review article), Work and Occupations, 30: 401-411, November 2003.


    Author’s Response:

    Thanks for putting the records straight in this regard..I feel Chandrapal ji that some facts have been deliberately twisted to serve vested interests. Worse, men’s organizations instead of thinking of their own interests in better ways commit the huge mistake of shattering the lies spread by the feminists.

    For instance, this pay gap issue issue, in my eyes, should never be an issue at all. That’s because in government sector pay scale is never gender oriented. That’s the case also in standard private organizations. So how did pay gap come in existence? May be that’s the case in some unorganized sectors, but how can rare cases be used to frame such issues like pay gap?

  6. @Vikram Jeet, Bharat Swabhiman Trust (Official), New Delhi, said:

    “It’s really baffling to anticipate that women have changed a lot but the mindset that sees them as a weaker sex remains the same. We continue to treat them as sex which cannot do anything wrong. Interestingly, it had never been the reality. Not even in times when they were icons of virtue. They are equally capable of plotting in a sinister way. In fact, they are far superior in working in evil ways.”



    Author’s Response:

    Thanks for your observation..

  7. Mukesh Tiwary, Sr. Administrator at Akhand Jyoti Eye Hospital, Patna (Bihar), said:

    You are right gone are the days of sita but we still believe that she exists…


    Author’s Response:

    The search usually leads to complete breakdown, huge frustration..


    Thanks to Bill Sanders,CEO & President at Sanders Equipment Company, Palm Harbor, Florida (USA), for not ignoring the article 🙂

  8. Walter H. Schneider, Bruderheim, Alberta (Canada), said:

    Arvind K Pandey, “So how did pay gap come in existence?” It is a product of feminist propaganda, aided by the media and government-administrations that are dominated and controlled by feminists and by feminist activists.

    You may be able to glean a bit of the history of that by checking the links at this web page:


    Author’s Response:

    Thanks for the link..It would certainly enlighten me more in this regard..

    I must thank all the participants, in advance, for making the conversation so full of pertinent details..

    Lastly, I must remind all my dear friends that try not to react/act on par with propaganda sponsored by the feminists..That way we would limit the scope of Men’s movement..Instead, it should be extended keeping in mind the needs of men. It should primarily be aimed at eliminating the problems faced by men.

  9. Walter H. Schneider, Bruderheim, Alberta (Canada), said:

    Arvind K Pandey, “[Our efforts] should primarily be aimed at eliminating the problems faced by men.” That is a big problem.

    Feminist propaganda is the primary problem facing men. The primary goal of feminist propaganda is to promote the feminist cultural revolution, a revolution whose primary goal is to establish female supremacy, in effect a totalitarian gynarchy. (It would be wrong to call it a totalitarian matriarchy, as that would require the promotion of motherhood, while one of the primary aims of feminism is to vilify and eradicate motherhood as well.)

    Propaganda has always been a primary tool for the establishment of totalitarian regimes, and here is one of the things that Hitler expressed about successful propaganda:

    “The function of propaganda is, for example, not to weigh and ponder the rights of different people, but exclusively to emphasize the one right which it has set out to argue for. Its task is not to make an objective study of the truth, in so far as it favors the enemy, and then set it before the masses with academic fairness; its task is to serve our own right, always and unflinchingly.” — Hitler, in ‘Mein Kampf,’ Chapter VI.

    Author’s Response:

    Very well stated…I got the message..Anyway, I hope the men’s movement shall remain on the right track, not losing sight of its primary objectives which includes betterment of men’s world!

  10. Palmina D’Alessandro said:

    I agree with EVERYTHINg you’ve mentioned in this EXCEPT the part where we , women are far superior in working in evil ways? ohhhhh no way…..THAT part…is definitely equal.


    Author’s Response:

    Thanks for agreeing in toto with the view expressed in the article..As far women’s superiority in devising evil methods is considered, it’s not me who really believes so. Go back in the history, and you would find that they have always been ” historically considered the willing agents of Satan”. The biblical story of the Garden of Eden exists as proof to this belief :-). Men stand nowhere when it comes to plotting in a sinister way. The women’s mind is far superior in giving birth to devilish means. I am left with no other option than to agree with this view.

  11. Walter H. Schneider, Bruderheim, Alberta (Canada), said:

    Arvind K Pandey, notwithstanding your suggestion in another discussion thread that MRAs should not focus on propaganda, your photo is a propaganda poster, an excellent one that can nevertheless not become fully effective until it is displayed by every TV channnel, in every publication and on every bill board.

    Author’s Response:

    Well, it also depends on what we come to see. The world outside is largely the result of our perceptions. My view is that all this conflicts of rights should not kill the intimacy.

  12. Walter H. Schneider, Bruderheim, Alberta (Canada), said:

    Arvind, should that not be that our perceptions are reflections of the world? You are right about intimacy (a.k.a. love). Conflict kills respect. Without respect there can be no love, and that is an evolutionary dead-end. The ultimate result is, of course, exactly what the proponents of world-wide population control want. Hatred is one of the most effective forms of birth control.


    Author’s Response:

    Besides birth control, the rise in psychological disorders, the rise in number of gay marriages and the rise in number of male/female sex workers would also become commonplace. The point is do go in for revolutionary ways and means but in a sensible way. The end result should not be self defeating in nature.

    Perceptions are, indeed, reflections of world in other form, but having said that, one cannot be reckless or wild in approach.

  13. Subu Subramaniam, said:

    Delay marriages by 5 years” = Marriage strike for 5 years ; is a peaceful satyagraha initiative ; the whole country will wake up IF ALL INDIAN men stop marrying for 5 years because of these anti male laws in India !!

    the wedding & marriage industry, the saree industry, the gold industry, to a large extent the car industry, a large # of schools and hospitals will be totally SHUT !!!; all these people will wake up in one shot !!; people who are deaf to men will open their ears and brains ; the government will realise how much they are loosing !!

    but alas that WILL NOT happen in India !! why ??? our boys & youth are told / trained / thought that “settling” in life means “marrying” and becomming a payer !!!

    Author’s Response:

    Yes, growth of industries dependent on marriages will suffer. Such an initiative might create some better effects.

  14. David Fox said:

    I still see females as the weaker sex. That doesn’t mean I respect them anymore than anyone else. Just that they are weak lol…

    Author’s Response:

    Hope weaker sex doesn’t make you feel weak after writing this..ha..ha..ha


    …..And many thanks to Nicolia Gruendler, Freelance Artist, Atlanta, Georgia (USA) for making her presence felt on this post

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