Well, for past few days, I was bit taken aback by some sad developments. I wanted to finish the English version of one of my well read posts in Hindi. However, lack of concentration on my part was delaying it. By dint of fortune, I came to participate in conversation on a prominent Radio Forum, Shrota Biradari,dominated by oldies, which was involved in making of document related with Hindi movie songs based on moon. Moon has always appealed to my senses. I am a night watcher since childhood and to gaze at stars and moon has been my favourite past time. Even now in my village, when I am all alone, surrounded by nothing but stillness of night, penetrated by chirping of cricket etc., I sit hours in open to gaze at the moon. Neil Armstrong had to visit moon to end up as philosophical human being but my passion for moon is deep enough that it does not require a trip to moon to admire its beauty.
Anyway, the forum involved in preparation of songs missed some of my favourite songs. I wanted to add these songs to the document but I thought let’s share the same songs for readers and friends, having taste for refined music, narrating my own personal connection with the songs. Don’t forget that popular numbers already got included in that document and these are the ones which are close to my heart, but, sadly, these did not appear in that document. The silver hairs got trapped in age which produced gems like “O Raat Ke Musafir” (Miss Mary), ”NaYe Chand Hoga” ( Shart) and “Ye Raat Ye Chandni Phir Kaha( Jaal), to name a few. So let me include some of the songs they failed to take note of.
“I’ve tried the new moon tilted in the air
Above a hazy tree-and-farmhouse cluster
As you might try a jewel in your hair.
I’ve tried it fine with little breadth of luster,
Alone, or in one ornament combining
With one first-water start almost shining.
I put it shining anywhere I please.
By walking slowly on some evening later,
I’ve pulled it from a crate of crooked trees,
And brought it over glossy water, greater,
And dropped it in, and seen the image wallow,
The color run, all sorts of wonder follow.”
( The Freedom of the Moon by Robert Frost)
That’s a charming song from movie directed by Mahesh Bhatt’s “Phir Teri Kahani Yaad Aayi”. The best thing about Mahesh Bhatt is that no matter what’s the theme of his movies, he gives brilliant songs. The camera angles employed in his songs make the songs look so terrific. Just remember “Tumhe apana banane ki kasam khayi hai” from Sadak – a well picturized song which depicts the state of mind of woman trapped in world of prostitution, trying to come to terms with new-found freedom. Anyway, this song is also well shot. And like always, the movie involves doomed romance. For me, the songs brings back the memories of 90s and this movie’s almost all the numbers were simply too good. Lyricist Qateel Shifai and musician Annu Malik did a wonderful job. Interestingly, as a student, I had limited access to money, and thus, buying cassettes always meant sacrificing the last few notes found in my pocket. So I had to doubly assure whether or not all the songs were melodious in cassette. That meant taking “panga” (starting a fight) with the shopkeepers as they were often reluctant to make you listen all the numbers in bits and pieces. Anyway, these type of cassettes did full justice to few bucks (paisa vasool) which I managed to save those days.
Amazing song! No wonder R D Burman is hailed as a true genius. Look at the sound employed in the travel song with folk touch. Talking of this sound effect, he told to Gulzar that when he first played this instrument, flanger, it produced a very harsh noise. The people around him were bit skeptical about its effect in ensuring melody. It was not so easy to make use of it. But watch this superbly picturized train song and you would realize that how well R D Burman used this instrument to create rhythm effect produced by train as it travelled through the valley. Hey, the song talks about Dhanno but this Dhanno is totally different from Basanti’s Dhanno! Like always imagery employed by Gulzar mesmerizes us. The song is visual delight as well. Never before train song produced such a romantic appeal. Above all, it’s “Chand Ka Chumma” (Moon’s Kiss) which kills us!
Again R D Burman and Gulzar come together to produce this great number. I like the song because the moment it refers to stealing of moon and love birds spending time behind some building like church, it brings into my mind the great buildings of British period. Although, this song does not feature Church but images of majestic buildings from previous eras appear before the eyes. By the way, tell me how many times have you seen Church being used as a spot to promote romance? But anything was possible if two souls, always out of their minds, Gulzar and R D Burman sat together to compose songs. These two always hailed themselves as crazy souls. Oh yes, crazy souls alone made some sense in world turned into hell by intelligent souls!
This song from movie “Rog” has two versions. One is sung by M M Kreem, the music director who composed this song. Another one is sung by Udit Narayan. However, Kreem’s version is close to my heart. I need to say few words about Kreem. This techie music composer, hugely underrated in Bollywood, is one of the few music composers, who know how to really compose a song using modern instruments, without copying anything from Western world, in name of inspiration. These are some of the hard working musicians who have kept the dignity of Bollywood music world intact. How sad, people talk about A R Rahman but they fail to take note of gems composed by such lesser heard names. I came to hear him first in my college days, when out of curiosity, I came to buy this cassette, seeing new names on the flap of the cassette as unheard names always fascinated me. Now lend ears to this moving number, which talks about pangs of falling in love with beloved belonging to someone else legally! That’s why the song says ” moon is dotted with rough spots yet one cannot resist its beauty”!
For movie version to notice the picturization one can visit this link.
The tragedy with Bollywood is that if movie bombs at the box office, the songs also fail to create impact. I am sure very few movie lovers would have heard the name of this movie released in the middle of the 90s. Mercifully, Jatin Lalit was at its peak in those days. This innovative duo managed to give some beautiful numbers, which managed to find the ears despite movie doing average business. Since this movie is by-product of Bhatt Camp, rest assured that song must be aesthetically shot! I love this song because it takes me to college days, wherein I realized that moon in youth leaves the sky and gets placed in some beautiful face!
Whenever Ghulam Ali came to sing for Indian movies, the song turned out to be defining moment in world of Indian movie music. Be it “Dil Ye Pagal Dil” or ” Chupke Chupke Raat Din”, the songs always managed to stay in the hearts and minds for forever. So it was not unexpected that this song became representative song for broken dreams. What stunning lines the verses have! Just listen to it and you would be bound to play it for more time. Anu Malik was not very popular in those days, but with such movies, he managed to build a position for himself. The bold sequences in the this song have the stamp of Mahesh Bhatt’s vision!
This song is departure from the songs I have mentioned in this post. It’s from a classic produced in 1950 “Bawre Nain”, featuring Raj Kapoor and Geetabali. The song would let you know that how simple and innocent gesture have given way to nothing left for imagination gestures of Sunny Leone. Anyway, this song has remarkable innocent gestures of Geetabali, who is trying to please her moon. I am happy that silver hairs failed to mention this good number, dedicated to moon, sung by Rajkumari, and allowed me to talk about this song..ha..ha..ha. This beautiful singer sang few songs but these few songs have become unforgettable numbers.
This song has a very pleasant tune and some excellent from verses from Maya Govind- a very talented female lyricist from Lucknow. How often we notice female lyricist in Bollywood or elsewhere? My friend Sagar Nahar, who is prominent song collector from Hyderabad, very rightly points out that this Bappi Lahiri’s composition sounds very similar to S D Burman’s composition in Abhiman ” Tere Mere Milan Ki Raina”. Interestingly, both the movies Jhoothi and Abhiman were directed by Hrishikesh Mukherjee. And, above all, it’s picturized on stunningly beautiful Rekha! What else can eyes crave for!
For Rekha lovers, here is a clearer video, but unfortunately, the song is incomplete.
9. Kolaveri Di
Well, I need not to say anything about this song. I have already written a post on it, which you can read here. I have to mention this song for one more time because first it belongs to current period, making you all know the changes that have hit the Indian film music, and secondly, it talks about moon in hilarious way. A song meant for heart broken guys but the approach involved is refreshingly unique. Anyway, for me, it means a greater involvement with moon instead of nurturing hatred for distance moon.
I have never been die hard fan of Yash Chopra’s movies. His romantic angles mired in illicit relationship always left me appalled. He was a noted filmmaker having Midas touch for conceiving interesting themes, hinging around three people in one single relationship, either due to providence or chance. His penchant for such complex relationships, on par with illicit love affairs, could be gauged from the fact that barring his early years of film making when he made gems like Waqt, Dharamputra, Ittefaq, Mashaal, Trishul, Deewar and Kala Patthar, nearly all his movies in later years depicted adultery in one or other form. It can be safely opined that his movies, both explicitly and implicitly, promoted illegal relationships. That’s pretty unfortunate as filmmaker of his caliber should have been more sensible in application of his mind.
He had the brilliant ability to present romance with all its elements in grand style. The grandeur and colourful imagery noticeable in his movies takes away our breath. It’s true that average cine-goer likes to flirt with unfulfilled dreams and wishes as he/she enters inside the theater, and tries to dissolve the harsh realities in the silken world appearing and disappearing on the silver screen. Any average filmmaker is not very much interested in exposing his viewers to shades of realism. Yash Chopra understood this well and so in his movies we have characters, borrowed straight from Mills and Boon novels, flirting with their ladies against scenic backdrop. No wonder Swiss government honoured Yash Chopra for promoting tourism in Switzerland!
To make his romance stories gain some substance, he was but compelled to fall in the arms of “illicit relationship” so as to provide some shock value to his films. However, he lacked the ability to seriously contemplate over any issue, which demanded deep attention, but in the same genre his brother B R Chopra exhibited the art of serious presentation in an effortless manner. That’s why B R Chopra’s “Gumrah”, having adultery as central theme, depicted the conflict emanating out of such relationship quite well. Yash Chopra’s movies based on the same plot stand nowhere to pathos exhibited in Gumrah. Yash was more governed by the desire to emerge as a successful director in the genre of popular cinema despite being person of immense capabilities. He was a pure entertainer, who used “arrival of third person” as perfect masala element to make his movies mint money. That’s why we cannot contrast him with likes of Raj Kapoor. He failed to attain the stature of Raj Kapoor, who was also governed by the desire to emerge as great entertainer but with a difference: Raj’s sensitivity always managed to find a suitable cause, which under his brilliant directorial treatment ripped apart our emotions. In fact, lot is said about depiction of grandeur/ style in his movies but Gulshan Rai and Feroz Khan stand miles ahead of him even in this department.
Let’s take into cognizance “illicit relationship” – a dominant feature of his movies. He should not have roped in this angle unless he had enough reasons to substantiate his viewpoint. For instance, let’s take “Darr” promoted as a violent love story. What was Yash Chopra trying to demonstrate? That Sunny Deol (husband) has to be equally cunning, powerful and mad like Shah Rukh Khan (lover) to save his wife from the shrewd moves. The greatest irony is that evil gets checkmated by good doesn’t sound convincing in the end when evil enjoys the upper hand, dancing with some else’s beloved for most of the time. One of the salient features of movies made by Yash Raj Films has been that one has to be shrewd and street smart to emerge as a winner. Idealism is of little use in world dominated by market-oriented world, wherein end justifies the means. That’s the guiding principle of protagonists appearing in “Trishul” and “Deewar”. Aditya Chopra’s “Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge” highlights the same trait. The protagonist even as he is reluctant to run away with his beloved, enters into ridiculousness and pathetic gestures to woo his would be wife. The success of this movie is remark on the declining standards of a viewer’s approach towards cinema.
That’s the aberration which marred the movies churned out by Yash Raj Films. The movies having candyfloss flavour, embedded in synthetic sentiments, depicted a section of society, which barely depicted the real face of India. For instance, Salaam Namaste was entirely shot in Australia, talked about reunion of two lovers, caught in problems born out of “laid-back lifestyle”. Hum Tum, Mohabbatein, Dil To Pagal Hai and etc. turned out be old wine in new bottle. Even patriotic perceptions were effectively used in ”Chak De India” to keep the cash box ringing. The point is that Yash Chopra and his successors have realized this pretty well that market forces and not the theme of the movie, which ensures success or failure. The global world, which made the boundaries meaningless, opened new markets, and, therefore, themes also got focused on people who sustained these markets. Both Bollywood and Hollywood rely on stereotyped emotions to make their movies emerge as blockbuster. So scenic landscape, stunning faces, big cars and pulsating music became the essential ingredients of romantic movies be its made by Yash Chopra or anyone else from Hollywood.
Some might find it unpalatable, and unbearable as well, to treat his movies as promoter of illegal relationships. However, it’s not a misplaced belief when one becomes aware of the fact that cinema, life and society are intimately linked to each other. Chandni, Dhool Ka Phool, Kabhi Kabhi, Silsila, Doosra Aadmi, Darr, Faasle, Lamhe, Daag, Aaina, Yeh Dillagi and Mere Brother Ki Dulhan to name a few, more or less, had controversial themes, wherein secret lover or illicit relationship added a complex twist to the story line. It’s a cliche to state that cinema borrows its concept from society. The ultimate truth is that it borrows the clues from society, exaggerates them, turning them into saleable scripts and, in the process, creates scope for more distorted themes. In a combined research conducted by the ” American Medical Association, the American Psychological Association, the American Academy of Pediatrics, the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry and the National Institute of Mental Health” to establish the negative impact of movies on youths in USA, it was clearly established that “just as every cigarette increases the chance that someday you will get lung cancer, every exposure to violence increases the chances that some day a child will behave more violently than they otherwise would.”
The point is when you are genuinely depicting the harsh realities of life, be it centered on illegal relationship, it adds a new dimension in your understanding but when you use such themes to carve unrealistic presentation, merely to ensure commercial success, it’s altogether a different story. Yash Chopra was more conscious of commercial success then ensuring a perfect treatment to a substantial story line. Ironically, Mahesh Bhatt also used illicit relationship as effective plot but he ensured that he remained close to the real life. Anyway, Yash Chopra makes me realize that attaining success is different thing than doing good work which makes difference in lives of people. He got success by promoting flawed romance, which served no greater cause other than ensuring flow of money.
You appear in memories
And I cry again
The age in which love crossed our hearts
Murmured the dragon called society
That’s not the age to be in love!
You didn’t protest
Nor I came to chain the dragon
And as it breathed fire
Our dreams got burnt
Time changed its cover
And arrived the age to love
Prevailed now the glorious illusion
Called glories of the skin
By which hanged the misery
In form of earthly fame.
Around me moved sea of people
Competing with chameleon
Burning in the flame of fame
Filling the episodes of life
With strange amalgam of black and white.
I searched for you in these new shades
Even in the isolation filling these shades
And I realized you were now a gentle breeze
Flowing in some unknown distant land
With you love remained like love
With all its mysteries and foggy depth.
When you changed I realized
That world does change
Sometimes to beat the time
Sometimes to be beaten by the time
I too tried to change my skin
Punctured the self within
To let it imbibe the law of change
Yet it remained the ancient self
Those who changed now wear some crown
And I the unchanged
Moving like lost ship in the ocean.
To say something about love in confused and distorted times of ours is not an easy task. The generation dependent on money, social networking sites and exhibitionism treats love as some sort of fast food- easy to prepare and quickly consumed. It has no patience to see it blooming in all its colour. No wonder one of my colleagues treats arrival of Valentine’s day as arrival of mating season of dogs.
One of the recent Supreme Court verdicts has made it clear that tendency on part of well educated girls from good families to enter in prostitution is quite alarming. I mean having sex in the guise of love has become one of the easiest mode to attain richness. I cannot avoid quoting such recent trends as it’s necessary to make it clear that with such murkier shades in existence the love with its gentle shades has been pushed to the fringes.
One of the controversial books released shortly that deals with sexual appetite of women suggests once again that love is nothing more than release of chemicals ” dopamine, norepinephrine and phenylethylamine ” and when women fall in love it’s more management of “resource benefits’ and “genetic benefits” than bonhomie with romantic attributes. Now who will dare to love with such sort of horrible revelations? When it’s all biology the heart of lover seems to have become a frog ready to be dissected by the sharp razor in soft hands of lady love!! It’s a tough time for people who are in real love with someone for whom” absence from those we love is self from self – a deadly banishment” (Shakespeare)
Imagine the plight of lover who is in tine with ancient instincts -the idealistic instincts- which perceives his beloved a mean to knock at the door of bliss. When I refer to idealistic sense I am referring to vision which perceives love in its old mode- a gateway to totality. This totality is the result of complete identification with the beloved. To have glimpse of these idealistic portrait one needs to read the short poem by Shelly named ” To Jane”:
The keen stars were twinkling,
And the fair moon was rising among them,
The guitar was tinkling,
But the notes were not sweet till you sung them
As the moon’s soft splendour
O’er the faint cold starlight of Heaven
So your voice most tender
To the strings without soul had then given
The stars will awaken,
Though the moon sleep a full hour later
No leaf will be shaken
Whilst the dews of your melody scatter
Though the sound overpowers,
Sing again, with your dear voice revealing
Of some world far from ours,
Where music and moonlight and feeling
The poetic beauty attributed to Jane makes her gain timeless appeal. This sublimity is direct result of being in love with greater emotions, which allows one to imbibe unheard emotions, enabling one to carve larger than life portrayal of the lover. This sort of attachment is missing in our times as so called notions of realism have made us away from the realm of purer emotions.
Loving with animal instincts closes the opportunity to trace better perceptions. However, in our times loving the beastly way is normal now and it , in fact, has attained some sort of legitimacy. The story of break-ups, deception, cheating and torture are some of the glorious happenings that one hears whenever love makes its presence felt. By love I mean the romantic relationships which exists between two young hearts. Love has many other variations but it would not be appropriate to discuss them at this point of time as I have not seen that frequently young people buying roses for their parents as spending huge amounts of money on beer and girls on Valentine’s Day.
Well, being incapable of honouring the beastly version of love in our times, I place myself on road to refined love, abandoned by all, which takes me to days when it was easier for the heart to sense the true love often. I am recollecting those days with some classic love songs from bygone days:
The wait for her was proving to be a nasty one. As usual she was late for the meeting, turning me into an impatient kid. Meanwhile, I had a close look around the place I was sitting. It was evening time so I could see old couples walking in the park with pets. Some of them have come with their grandchildren. I can see some of the kids creating scene for cup of ice-cream. Well, the kid inside me compelled me to buy one for myself.
The park was also full of students, who have gathered there to study amidst total silence. In fact, one reason I loved this park was that it had greenery spread everywhere marked with deep stretches of silence. These students were now preparing to go back to their homes. Who knows how was destiny going to reward them for this hard labour of theirs? Some would emerge victorious while others would get lost in sea of life as insignificant creatures. Some would be hailed as bringing good name to their families while others be seen as failures- a blot on the bright family history. One can never rein the movements of time. Anyway, it was time for me to embrace the moon. I saw her coming towards me with the same mysterious smile that was now so commonplace for my eyes. “Hey, what’s the excuse for today? ” Aditya asked.
“That’s okay. You have every reason to be sarcastic. However, I was right on time but last minute reminder from my boss acted as spoilsport. I had to spent some extra moments, which kept on multiplying even as I tried to draft the letter fast and get it typed ” Aparajita replied sounding genuine.
The best thing about Aparajita was that she never concealed her emotions. She loved to unfold the details even about the issues considered taboo. In fact, frankness was her hallmark. Nothing odd if I re-named her Miss. Frank! Today I found her unusually silent. That was bothering me a bit. Quite unusual for a girl who loved to speak like a newsreader reading the news on television.
“Hey, it’s not good for a beautiful lady like you to be lost in deep thoughts this way! It’s ominous” Aditya chuckled as he said that.
That brought a huge smile on face of Aparajita but her eyes remained lost in some grim image. Eyes didn’t match with smile.
“How was your day? Look tired after chasing news and views. I told you so many times to take care of yourself but you are determined to do just the opposite to what I suggest to you” she said.
“Oh! I had just a cup of ice-cream remembering you within with your words that I should eat well ” he said with child like innocence.
Just then I saw vendor selling lai chana (eatable). A regular fellow like both of us in that park. He was happy to hear my call.
“Look I am going to demonstrate how I sincerely follow your advice by buying something to eat. Never say that I ignore your words. Company changes the beliefs. Now I eat well ” he said that as he handed the money to the vendor, who was in all smiles after sensing the state of affairs.
“Oh! You follow my advice quite well. That’s why you are thinner than a skeleton for past so many years” she said.
“The packet is too hot to handle unlike you who is so cool” he said as Aparajita spread her dupatta on the bench.
“You will always remain a kid. A kid who has bypassed the process of evolution” remarked Aparajita in a tone that my ears loved to hear. Aparajita was madly in love with him. Not because love happens in such age. Not because love is necessity in this phase of life when realities of life have yet not wiped out the the thing called life from our beings. She loved only because he was the one of the rarest of rare souls who was far away from the darker elements that give birth to ironies. One who still evoked faith that life is beautiful despite its cruel ups and downs.
“I have been given the eyes by Lord to stare at you. What makes you add new dimensions in your beauty each day? Is there some secret beauty clinic inside your office ? Your clients must be pretty satisfied on finding you on your seat. These days all corporate offices have beautiful ladies even as they are not competent that much.” he said expecting her to exhibit shade of anger. However, she kept on making silence play with her face.
“I am getting engaged the day after. May be it’s our one of the last meeting as lovers. Or, probably the last as intimate friends ” she replied staring into nothingness.
” Wow! Great revelation. Who dared to embrace the tragedy personified? ” he asked.
He said,” I hope that’s a nasty joke. Well, don’t test my patience as I am no woman who is bundle of patience. Is that true ?I am feeling hungry so let’s move to the newly opened restaurant in our city. I have heard they offer wide range of dishes at affordable prices. Let’s taste them before their prices touches the sky.”
She said,” I am not in league with powerful expressions the ones you use in your writings. I am not going to justify my decision with help of those expressions. I have this much guts to say that I am marrying to a rich business tycoon. He proposed to me a day before and I couldn’t say no. We are mismatch in so many ways. He is much older than me just close to age of my boss. That’s okay. I have no problems with such differences. I have conveyed my wishes to my family and they have endorsed it. May be I would be leaving the city as well and settling in foreign landscape.”
She stated all that in one flow. I heard that with usual smile on my face. Hearing such harsh words at regular intervals had been my fate. Nothing new for me to see dreams getting crushed so often. I didn’t react sharply as I used to do in past. I knew Aparajita for quite a long time now. In fact,I had stopped entertaining faith in women. It was she who restored that lost faith of mine by coming in my life in a strong way. In all these years, she was the source of bliss. She never gave me an opportunity to complain. She had a wonderful ability to read the mind. An ability that helped her to walk with ease with a complex soul like me. My thoughts that appeared as intellectual gibberish to the beautiful faces, kept them away from falling in my company. Acting as powerful repellent, the thoughts close to my heart, kept the beautiful faces away from me. A very simple life devoid of show of wealth was another asset that acted as barrier for the pretty face to anticipate me as probable friend.
However, Aparajita was an exception in many ways. She showed no sign of discomfort with my love for grim images that flowed in my life as news and views. On the contrary, her pretty face amidst the naked truths of life helped me to forget the pains and tragedies. She was a whiff of cool breeze in desert.
Breaking the heavy silence that gripped us she said,” You know it’s hard to erase your memories even as I leave you for forever. However, the decision would remain unchanged. You know my family is already dependent on me plus the previous debts on my family are beginning to deepen the crisis. My meager salary is not enough to make both ends meet. May be my marriage with you is going to lead both of us to sorts of catastrophe. And..”. Her speech got interrupted by Aditya’s sombre reflection.
” Wait a minute! If I remember well, you never had problems with our union. The financial issues were never part of plans. Now all of a sudden how come this be the determining factor to close the chapter of our relationship?” he asked.
” I know that. There is no point in remembering the old promises in this regard. In all these ears, the harsh truth that it’s not beauty and intelligence but money that dominates the world is pretty clear to me now. At every stage we need money. If you have money then even death is glorious. Or else, even ceremony to conduct the last journey of death is also no less than another death. I feel if I am going to marry with you, I would only prove to be another sweet burden. Another source of pain, which you would keep locked in your heart always.” she said.
” I need to remind you that we had planned differently. Forget about the plans, I need to ask what would happen to my unfulfilled wishes, my dreams, my desires and my share of happiness which I need just only from you ? Have you lost your senses? In all these years, all the free moments that I had I spent in shaping plans to make our togetherness a reality. Now you are brutally murdering all these dreams right in front of my eyes. There are so many couples, who are living amidst penury with no grudges at all. I see no reason why can’t we follow in the footsteps of these couples unless you have decided to be slut whose hunger for money increases with each passing moment?” he said as disappointment and agony began to rule the roost. He never imagined that she really meant what she uttered just now. However, that’s the way determined and bright ladies behave. They rarely deviate from their line of action. That’s the hallmark of such ladies in league with virtues and principles !!!
Aditya said,” Well, if that’s what you think is right course of actions then go ahead and accomplish your desires in league with your line of action. And please as you move away say nothing as to how I am going to live my life in your absence, how I am going to cope up with haunting images of yours. No lectures in this regard. Just go away silently. ”
“It’s better that one spends time with company of sluts than walk side by side with a thinking beauty like you with loads of dreams and promises. At least, it’s not going to pain that much once they leave you. Not that much as it pains now.”
Tears rolled down her cheeks. ” I am going away from here. In fact, away from your reach, at least, in this life. Anyway, I wish to be in your arms for one more time as we part ways ” said Aparajita as she looked straight into my eyes.
” No. I need not moments of bliss from you, when for rest of the life I have to live without such moments. I refuse to entertain your last wish” said Aditya as he looked at the bright moon playing with dark clouds in the night sky .
Aparajita had a deep look at him as she left the park. All these years she was in deep love with him. He was her world. A world that she was determined to keep above the upheavals of life. She knew well that souls of his type refuse to compromise with life. Had she lived with him, she might have moved side by side him but eventually the money oriented world would have sabotaged her world. She wasn’t sure how were uncertainties going to shape their togetherness in wake of financial shortcomings? It was quite possible that lack of money was going to turn them into icons of mediocrity. As far as she was concerned, she was pretty ordinary girl, which the eyes of lover had granted an unique height. She had nothing special in her as imagined by Aditya. That she knew quite well. However, she was quite aware of the fact that Adityas rarely become part of earthly life. It’s easy to conceive Aparajitas but its difficult to conceive Adityas. Something matters when such souls enter and leave the world.
In all these years, she had realized that what he needed was a stable life and not her company. That was only possible when he had enough money to translate dreams into reality. The man with whom she was about to get married had huge unused wealth going down to drains due to bad utilization. For girl of her intelligence it was quite easy to utilize such wealth in proper way. Now when the destiny had brought her in touch with this rich guy, it was nothing short of boon. May be she would lose his love but in losing was hidden the greatest victory. She realized that he was to become much happier and also much closer to her with this loss. Exactly the same thing happened.
Many years later so-called happy episodes hit the lives of both these separated lovers. She played with her kids in bungalow in some unknown foreign landscape while Aditya owned everything that makes a man hailed as successful. He neither bothered nor he came to know, who enabled him to attain the material heights in that easy way. It was another thing that Aparajita stayed inside her all the time if not in the external world amidst display of wealth. It was hard to tell by having a look at him that he was happy or not even as the world always found him smiling. Who can tell he is happy or not? Who can tell was Aparajita happy in her world or not? In the end it was only the world that was really smiling. Love, like always, was weeping.
Some days back I got hold of a love letter written by me. As I read it host of strange emotions came to environ me. The letter has attained a personality of its own. Now it was no more a piece of writing falling under the genre of love letter. It was a medium to unlock so many feelings lying within my heart and mind. Strange! A piece of a writing that I once wrote was now being read by me as a piece written by someone else.
I was all smiles as I read the lines of the letter one by one. I came to remember the face of that ’serious girl” within the gallery of mind!! I came to remember my college days. I came to remember that I also use to write poems !! Finally, I came to realize that wheels of time never stop. It doesn’t stop either for you or for your love. It just keeps moving. However,once you move ahead the letters like this allow you to go back in time and make you remember that as the time passes by one comes to attain a different persona in a secret way.
Before I present the letter to the readers, I need to seriously thank the rats of my house for not reducing it into pieces !! I wish to inform that this letter was written when I came face to face with my beloved in an unexpected way. I just couldn’t say what I had hoped to convey in her presence. The reasons why I came to turn into representative of silence are given in this letter. Destiny never allowed us to come face to face again. That’s the reason why this letter as a stranger came to cross my life’s path once again.
This was my first chance to enter in the beautiful world of uncertainties but I failed. Surely, my effort lacked something. An element which makes such efforts successful was missing. Upon slight encouragement I went in for my maiden attempt to have conversation with you. It made me to think of affection for which the humanity craves. It made me to think of happiness which one can only dream about but which never becomes a reality. However, your reluctant attitude shattered all my hopes. Anyway, I will still remember this brief meeting with you. You have given me an opportunity to embrace rejection. Yes, this rejection shall be my side as my prize possession. Rejection as award for my valiant effort to have a dialogue with you shall stay with me forever. The efforts mired in innocence came face to face with your dry response. My heart which is not accustomed to such painful feminine instincts which love rejection more than submission still dares to nurture fallen dreams.
The manner in which I anticipated you was certainly not the ideal way but I wish to make it clear that my feelings were noblest.Your heart failed to intercept them as it is. Some feelings need not require expressions. The heart catches them in natural way even as they remain unseen. These are the feelings which come to form the essence of life well lived !!
Do you think was it too easy for me to tell you in exact words as to why I need you in just few seconds? How could I have said so many things in barely few moments? There are many affairs of life which fall in category of exceptions and they are the happenings above the laws of formality. There is no such thing as exactness when one is dealing with love. Though we have never met before, I still feel that we are close enough to turn into real friends. Yes, we never talked with each other but I am sure our hearts did share so many feelings.
Our hearts were familiar to each other even as our meeting in real world never took place. Wasn’t this reason sufficient enough to turn into friends? Most beautiful things enter in life when we are not in a position to acknowledge them as we often don’t have the guts to welcome them with open arms. Time is the ultimate judger of trust and courage-the things required to keep the relationship intact. And certainly, I cannot boast of expressing all this qualities within few minutes. Only time can reveal these virtues. However, you wanted a proof of it within a second !
You are someone who I feel is a suitable person to shape up my dreams and give bent to my aspirations. It was this trust in you which forced me to enter in your life as an intruder. I couldn’t answer what you asked. I was lost in anticipating the beauty of your face dipped in anger. Did you notice that our meeting took place at such an odd time of the day? Did you notice how strange was the place where we were standing? Fast moving vehicles zoomed past us after every few seconds. Your anger which you were trying hard to suppress, the crowd and the fast moving vehicles turned my mind into a blank page!!
The only striking thing about your persona is your admirable simplicity, which is so serene and pleasing to mine eyes. I have had a look at you many times and all the time I came to be swayed by your remarkable simplicity.
The eternal feelings of love can only be obtained through prayer and so I pray!! Though the path of true love seldom runs smooth but I hope that one day we would share the path of love together with never ending feeling of togetherness. Let’s hope my dreams come true !!
With Love Always
Memories of your play with my heart
And like hiding sun they fade away;
Night breeds sorrow
And pierce my heart its fiery arrow.
Dreams which lit the lane of night
Brings to me your rarer sight;
But rosy world of dreams shatters soon
Oh! It’s like changing images of moon.
(The Short Story Was First Published In Northern India Patrika 06 February, 1999 )
I don’t know how it began and why we were forced to enter into each other’s life. We remained strangers but strangers who came too close to each other. I don’t know why destiny brings two people close to each other when the end result is nothing but separateness. In all these years the only thing I could observe in Seema besides her tortoise like ability to cut off from the ongoing happenings was love towards me-a secret well-guarded. An inherent simplicity that environed her mannerism added in her persona a magnetic charm. The love that she had for me remained embedded in her heart like pearls found in the depth of an ocean. It never surfaced on her face. There was never any external gesture that confirmed the presence of such a love that germinated inside her.
In the beginning when I had the first glimpse of her I kept pestering her for few months to tell her name but she would not. To most of my gestures she maintained deep sense of inner balance which matched brilliantly with calmness on her face. She was damn serious soul. To an extent that to my eyes she appeared to be the personification of seriousness!! Smile on her face like electricity in my house never lasted for long. Anyway, an occasional smile of hers always gave rise to deep bliss within my being.
In all these years there were some occasions which brought or rather produced chances to have some sort of intimate conversation but my habit to introspect kept my wishes in check. Probably, that was one of the prime reasons why I never tried to adopt a straight forward attitude in giving expressions to my feelings. Anyway, the years of so-called togetherness with her opened before me the unseen facets of a real and noble woman’s life. Tears, innocence, great will power to resist any gesture offending to one’s self respect and the great ability to prevent her identity from being dragged into unwanted controversy. She always maintained a safe distance from such distasteful experiences of life which are born out of lust and selfish desires.
In such an ugly and rough atmosphere I cannot say with conviction that she ever gave way to desire to read the feelings that lurked inside my bosom. I was far more determined not to let my face become mirror of my heart!! Perhaps I wanted to see whether she had the ability to go beyond the obvious or not. Often we judge a person on basis of their external mannerism. I wanted to see whether she understands and analyzes in stereotyped way or she gives way to unusual methods to arrive at the truth. In fact, that would have also given a fair idea of devotion and sincerity towards this strange love between us. I must confess that she, to an extent, failed have an insight of my real being and that had a pretty devastating impact on me. I gave way to certain depression.
However, I soon gave way to normalcy, realizing that her failure not to read my actual emotions is not the result of her lack of sincerity on her part. It’s because the atmosphere she was currently placed in muted her abilities to perceive the reality. Above all, I also realized that like an overloaded ass she was carrying bundle of unnecessary problems on her head. However, prior to her failure to intercept my real persona I always believed that she possessed the power to look beyond the obvious. Now I realized that she didn’t.
On a few occasions during chance face to face encounters I had to bear her anger arising out of my attempts to make room for conversation. Her face mired in anger did bring in open that a ray of hope existed. That she did love me. So her anger, instead of developing frustration, sowed seeds of submission in both the hearts towards each other’s beings. Perhaps it was this strange bond or strange likeness on her part, which she always wrapped within her negative gestures that persistently forced me to develop acquaintance with her. This always encouraged me to devise new methods each day to attain her trust, not letting my mind swayed by the negative and dull attitude of hers.
Why I wanted her love and closeness she never came to know. The way she understood me allowed her to merely gain insignificant set of outward emotions. However, I did not commit the fatal blunder of knowing a person via such casual approach. My eyes all the time tried to intercept emotions that she guarded quite well. So it was no mystery for me to trace the roots of her thought patterns even as we remained complete strangers.However,I was really taken aback by the fact that though she was mired in host of complexities she almost looked cool like ice. Her miseries had made me develop a deep sense of pity and sympathy for her
Inside her was going a fierce struggle to uplift her crushed identity, a fight to give her rejected beliefs their due place. She was living a life full of burdens. Her eagerness to get involved in studies in unusual manner often revealed her desire to have a secure future!! Her gloomy eyes clearly reflected the pains that possessed her life.
These were the real reasons that increased my affinity towards her.I had till now seen many hearts wiped out by the cruel hands of destiny. I was now making all efforts to prevent at least this soul from becoming victim of vicissitudes of life. Something that really made me sick was that even knowing well the tragic circumstances that were constantly chasing her I was simply reduced to being a spectator of these unfortunate developments. What else a stranger can do amidst such a scenario?
In this world we had given larger than life importance to things no better than pebbles fit only for a crying child. We never realize in this rat race to turn into a VIP soul that material things we chase in short human life have no happiness to deliver all by itself. Yes, they do provide happiness but it’s a short lived happiness that in the end leaves us more bitter and broken. She was chasing these very things. She was attracted to fanciful ambitions of life which might never provide her real happiness –the thing she really desired. In fact, they were going to multiply her woes.
An eventful life full of glamour and cheap idiosyncrasies are the things that guide the course of actions of people of our times. People are in the race but destination for most of them remains unknown!! The peace of mind which people seek sitting inside rooms that look like showroom of a multinational company remains an unknown entity for most of us. What a pity that we can’t locate cave of peace that exists within us!! The people have developed unconditional love for things that give us impermanent pleasure but permanent pain and frustration in the long run!!! Everyday I saw her inner perfection shrinking under the stress of problems that she carried with herself under the urgency to be something in life.
Sometimes I wished to say all that which I felt about her but then an unknown power reduced me to statue of silence before her. Perhaps a sense of fear that my outburst in that way could lead to serious misunderstanding prevented me to give voice to the emotions. I did pray to Lord to provide me deepen my bonds with her, enabling me to unlock my emotions in front of her. Oh! We both came to sing the same song all by chance in one of the practice sessions meant for farewell. A song attributed to strangeness of life. I am not angry but I am really puzzled over your affairs life-the song revealed.
However, the life followed its own predestined course of action .It never provided us desired moments to confess our hidden emotions. Soon she was to slip away from my eyes and memories to become a dead symbol of the past. Even after making best efforts I failed to change her course of actions, signifying that I had never any role to play in her life at all!!
Though I could not shape her life I feel that life would itself do that as it does all the time. It would give her a chance to discover inner happiness and prevent her from deteriorating in the harshness of life. Or else, like others, she would too get lost in the dark labyrinth of life. Today when I am alone I feel her presence even more .She was, indeed, phantom of delight.