ये कैसी बिडम्बना है कि अक्सर मुझे बहुत से लोग मुझे मिले बताने वाले कि अहम् बुरी बला है, धन बेकार है इत्यादि इत्यादि। ये बाते सैकड़ो बार नर्सरी स्कूल से लेकर अब तक पढ़, सुन, आत्मसात और जहा तक संभव है जीवन में चरितार्थ भी कर चुका हूँ लेकिन अफ़सोस सिर्फ यही है कि महफ़िलो और तन्हाई में ऐसी बाते करने वाले अक्सर पद और ओहदों के पीछे भागने वाले अहम् के पुतले निकले। वफ़ा के आवरण में लिपटे धूर्त और मक्कार मिले। दोस्त हो या प्रेमिका उनका रंग एक सा ही निकला जैसे चांदी के प्याले में विष।
ताज्जुब है इसके बाद भी ज़िन्दगी मुझे भली भली सी लगती है। इसके बाद भी जीने के मायने उभर के आते है ज़िन्दगी की कैनवास पर। हो सकता है जिंदगी को अपने को और उधेड़ना बचा हो। लेकिन जीवन के शह मात टाइप के समीकरण में अब मेरी दिलचस्पी कहा। पहले भी कहा थी। इसलिए मै बहुत दिलचस्पी से जीवन के तमाशो को नहीं देखता। जो मेरे सामने आता है उसको पूरी तन्मयता से निभा कर आगे बढ जाता हूँ। मेरी नज़र में जीवन में आ जाना ही एक गलती है। एक डिवाइयन मजाक है। सब के लिए हो सकता है ये जीवन के तमाशे जीवन मरण का प्रश्न हो जाए मगर मेरा जीवन के तमाशे में कोई दिलचस्पी नहीं जिसके प्रत्येक अध्याय में छल कपट के नए किस्से हो। सबसे खूबसूरत क्षण के पीछे भी मक्कारी दबे पाँव आके दस्तक दे जाती है। सो कोई जीए मरे इस दर्द में भीं जीवन का खोखलापन एक शान्ति सा भर जाता है जीवन में।
कही पढ़ रहा कि मौत क्यों आती है या इसका आना क्यों जरुरी होता है। वो इसलिए कि ज्यादा जीये जाने से लोगो के वफ़ा के पीछे उनके असल स्वार्थ उभर के सामने आ जाते है। सो मरने से ये भ्रम बचा रह जाता है कि अपने कुछ अपने से थें। इससें बेहतर मौत के पक्ष में बात कुछ नहीं हो सकती। मै तो अक्सर मानता हूँ कि मरने का सुविधाजनक रास्ता हो, कोई सम्मानित शास्त्र सम्मत रास्ता हो तो बहुत से लोग ख़ुशी-2 मौत का वरण कर ले। भगत सिंह को जब फांसी की सजा सुनायी गयी तो वो बहुत खुश थे। उसकी एक वजह ये थी कि उन्हें खुशी थी मौत जल्दी आ गयी। जीते रहते थें तो कितने दाग और लग जाते उन पर। कितनी उनके और अवगुण लोगो के सामने प्रकट हो जाते।
देश के कानून भी गज़ब के है। आत्महत्या को जुर्म मानता है। पर उन परिस्थितयों को लगाम लगाने की कोई जिम्मेदारी नहीं लेता जो किसी को मौत के दरवाजे पर छोड़ जाते है। उनको कोई कसूरवार नहीं ठहराता जिन्होंने किसी को मरने के लिए मजबूर किया। किसी को उकसाना तभी जुर्म बनता है जब तक मामला कोर्ट में ना पहुचे। पर कितने ऐसे केस कोर्ट में पहुचते है। और कितनो को सजा होती है कितने वर्षो में? सही है समाज ही जुर्म करने को मजबूर करता है और समाज ही न्याय का ठेकेदार बन कर सजा देता है। गजब तमाशा है भाई ये।
खैर उन लोगो को जो आग लगा कर तमाशाई बनते है, मेरे मित्र होने का स्वांग करते है और अक्सर मुझसे पूछ लेने की गलती कर बैठते है कि आप लोगो से क्यों कम मिलते जुलते है या कि क्यों उनकी तरह जीवन की तमाम नौटंकी में शामिल क्यों नहीं है तो उनके लिए साहिर की ये पंक्तिया ही काफी है कि
“क्या मिलिए ऐसे लोगो से जिनकी फ़ितरत छुपी रहे,
नकली चेहरा सामने आये असली सूरत छुपी रही
खुद से भी जो खुद को छुपाये क्या उनसे पहचान करे,
क्या उनके दामन से लिपटे क्या उनका अरमान करे,
जिनकी आधी नीयत उभरे आधी नीयत छुपी रहे।”
और रहा जिंदगी के तमाशे की बात तो निदा फाज़ली ने इन कुछ लाइनों में जिंदगी की असलियत बयान कर दी है। मेरी नज़र में तो अपनी खूबसूरती से मुझ सीधे सादे मनई (इंसान) के मन को भरमाती जिंदगी का असली चेहरा यही है। और ऐसे जीवन में मेरी दिलचस्पी कभी नहीं हो सकती। हां जीते रहने सा दिखना एक अलग बात है।
“हर तरफ हर जगह बेशुमार आदमी,
फिर भी तनहाइयों का शिकार आदमी,
सुबह से शाम तक बोझ ढ़ोता हुआ,
अपनी लाश का खुद मज़ार आदमी,
हर तरफ भागते दौड़ते रास्ते,
हर तरफ आदमी का शिकार आदमी,
रोज़ जीता हुआ रोज़ मरता हुआ,
हर नए दिन नया इंतज़ार आदमी,
जिन्दगी का मुक्कदर सफ़र दर सफ़र,
आखिरी साँस तक बेकरार आदमी”
I was once again with Radha. When all others have lost their relevance in my life, she continues to serve me like dutiful wife, opening new zones of vision each day. Who is Radha? Obviously, she cannot belong to this earthly plane. She represents my chamber of mind, which has been personified to provide it a bit of tangibility. And named Radha? To show its origin.
Night was towards its nadir. Only Radha and I were there in the dingy room, arguing over merits and demerits of certain aspect, staring into nothingness during moments of silence that too often interrupted our conversation. Of late, it has become extremely difficult for me to appease Radha. With her strange notions, she always manages to put me on the knife-edge. Later, she repents over her harshness but by then damage has become irreparable. As a damage-control measure, Radha, for few days, distances away from too much of twisting but as I am about to regain equanimity she is back to her usual business with a bang. These days intense debate is going on over the place of marriage in my life.
“So you have decided not to get married,”
“Will you please let the cat out of the bag?” she demanded with a stroke of sarcasm.
“I thought that by now you would have guessed about it. If you haven’t let me tell you that in absence of right partner, I have put this issue on the backburner”, I replied in a cool and calm way.
“What a pity! Yaar, can’t you be little pragmatic? Why are you always hell-bent on emulating a self-destructive logic? You are now well past marriage age. Think about your anxious parents…” she said before being interrupted.
“Well, lend me your ears,” I said, seeking her attention. After a moment of silence I said: ‘ Just like other obedient sons and daughters of present age! They pretend to be close to their parents but on their back care a damn about their reputation. They are always up to confrontation but for the world’s sake they project a sober picture of their maddening lives, keep marrying in the name of providing relief to the parents, but once this tamasha gets over, they immediately abandon their parents. And for rest of their life parents live a lonely life; neither the society not their faithful children show up their faces. Only the other day I read about a lady who died after fighting a long battle with a dreaded disease. Do you know what their sons were doing when her heart must be burning with a desire to see them? They were relaxing in their apartments in Canada, came back seven or eight months later after so many reminders?
“No, I did not mean that, what I am trying to convey is that your parents be greatly relieved once you get married. After all, haven’t they raised you up amid comforts? Aren’t you ashamed over your callousness which has burdened their hearts with additional pain besides those emanating from worldly concerns?”, asked Radha stubbornly.
“Do you understand, Radha, do you anticipate the real motives in the words flowing out unconsciously from the bosom. You are mistaken if you find this sort of thing fit for casual execution; it’s not as simple as it appears to be. Listen, children should never be made vehicle for carrying out ambitions of the parents. Since you have brought them up it becomes obligatory for them to serve your interests, such uttering sound blasphemous. When such intimate relations are build up to ignite selfish considerations, no matter how noble your intentions may be, what is the need to carve place for lofty ideals in our lives? To rope in your bogus expectations, all in the name of rituals would only make the values redundant, existing in our life like lightening in the clouds!
“I understand it all! You are trying to make suspect myself. But remember, you could no longer fool me by spooky versions, “said Radha caught in whirlpool of contradictory emotions. I was smiling being aware of the fact that she was on the brink of losing ground.
“Radha, at least you should not be mindless in criticizing my stand point. Parents, Chachas*, Mamas*, friends and other near and dear ones, have put to sleep their analytical faculty, drugged their discrimination, having given way to compromises. It doesn’t hurt me at all as I know well that such relations are guided by second-rate convictions, frequently changing color to remain in sync with the world. Don’t you think concerns like marriage, job and etc. must be perforce choice of an individual, more so if he or she has attained a level of maturity? The only factor that should be given utmost importance is that whether or not it leads to beneficial changers for people around. If it doesn’t violate the above-mentioned condition, I don’t feel anyone has the right to question about its worth.”
“Now look at the fate,” trembling with passion I said, “of married couples, those who in the eyes of world have been sincere in honoring the wishes of their parent. Be sure, I am not trying to pass a moral judgment on one of the most respectable institutions established by our forefathers with great care. But one cannot ignore the degeneration that has wiped away its finer aspects. They quarrel over trivial issues, hurl choicest abuses at each other, emotionally and intellectually so wide apart yet living together for fulfillment of physical desires, meaningless union but could not separate owing to societal compulsions and yet in the eyes of the world they belong to honorable class of people. Why? Just because they are the by-product of time-tested institution! In other cases husbands and wives are living shattered lives, thanks to the ups and downs of the realistic life, existing merely as instruments with no time to exchange compliments. In some exaggerated examples, both the partners are found trapped in immoral affairs. Reason-not satisfied with each other desperately and now need a change coupled with experimentation! I wonder in age of so many revolutionary isms, it would be highly unfair to treat immoral as immoral. Give it a respectable place, or, simply vanish.”
I said all this with a provocative smile. Not willing to give her room to cast stones at me, I went ahead with my views “What hurts me is elders stubborn refusal to learn lesson from their past mistakes. Having witnessed the consequence of pursuing faulty line of action, they come up with another set of perverse notions. The most shameful thing is that they don’t regret at all. I am horrified over the dullness of these ‘experienced’ brains, which are so cocksure about efficiency of their worn-out ways and means. It was indeed grave mistake that I came to assume repentance unleashed wisdom in their consciousness.”
For some reason, this greatly moved her. Refusing the emotion let loose on her head she said: “Forgive me, I wasn’t aware of the seriousness of the crises. Yes, you are right that one should not expect anything worthwhile from people with a very limited vision. But I am more concerned about you. In all this drama, it’s you who have suffered the most, being the victim of events, which were not entirely your own making. Let them resort to such desperate remedies, at this point of time, I would like to know about your steps to diffuse the crisis.”
“Radha, it’s never has been a well-guarded secret. In fact, the very clarity of my purpose has often allowed others to sabotage it. The likes of worldly experts have left little room for bringing in better choices, yet I have not lost hopes. One thing is crystal clear that it’s not going to fall in the same bracket of affairs like gambling. Instead of being dictated by hazy vision, personal complexes and inflated egos of aberrated minds, the decision should emanate from deeper realm of intellect, leaving no room for setbacks in the future.”
“But suppose such a holistic version refuses to materialize in your life?” she questioned thoughtfully. She was aware of the fact that rudeness of life does not provide humane approaches many chances to germinate.
“Radha, you are now loosing your sense of proportion. Is it sin to go beyond the dictates of people whose thinking abilities are covered in cobwebs? It is crime to provide life and vibrancy to your prized affairs? Perhaps it’s better to move alone than to be part of nightmarish experiences all your life, under the veneer of traditions and rigorous social customs.”
Radha half-whispered to herself and for a while allowed the silence to reign. She was unsuccessfully trying to conceal her tears, something that prevented her to go ahead with the conversation. Being absorbed in the same state of mind she exclaimed, “ I am afraid you would not be able to survive for too long in the world reserved solely for dogs! I know well that sensitive souls like you cannot survive without a companion. When that was the case, why didn’t you find one molded in your perception?”
“Well, a chance encounter had dragged me towards such a soul, but before it could blossom, it succumbed to the primitive-thoughtlessness of the pseudo-crusaders of the society. These perfect spoilsports who are mired in unspeakable affairs attain a sacrosanct position in these matters; on their verdicts innocent souls are mercilessly butchered without given a slight chance to communicate their intentions. As the days pass away, souls like us slowly get reduced to ashes amid gross activities of average everyday life.” “ I am eager to know her name, my dear fellow” Radha insisted.
“What is in the name? For me, she was simply your reflection! That’s all,” I suddenly said, looking straight at her face.
“Hm-that’s all right- but what about your friends? Why didn’t they conceive a strategy to pull you out of the mess?” she asked, blushing with gloomy eyes.
“It’s a sad reflection, but I could not resist myself from making a confession that they were enemies masquerading as friends. It seems strange but they left no opportunity, like bunch of cheap crooks, to create nuisance at defining moments. Worse, after causing the debacle, they were little ashamed in delivering absurd suggestions, to view the whole episode as hand-work of destiny! It was indeed misplaced trust on these determined liars, who with help of their half-truths, spelled doom for me. Though I wanted to retain the illusion of recognizing them as friends for a longer time, however, their sincerity towards shrewdness made it impossible.”
“So now you are all alone! Being burdened with awesome grief how are you going to remain on the right-track, one that makes the journey of life fruitful? You are in terrible state of loss!” burst out Radha with restless anxiety. Evidently, she was quite out of her wits, all the time eyes were glued on her feet, momentarily rising up to stare at my face with sad and severe look that left me horrified.
“Radha! I find myself trapped in the body. I don’t want to get identified with fifth of this sort, an identification that has now little meaning for me except initiating cycle of meaningless cause and effects. Give me blue, for survival” I said in a distinct tone.
“Blue? What does it stand for?” asked Radha in a trembling voice with a cold smile.
“Radha, you seem to have fallen in league of present day politicians, who so easily forget their promises! I am surprised to find you so forgettable a person. Just a little while ago, haven’t I attributed it to you as your intrinsic nature?” no sooner had I asked this I found her giving way to strange look.
Later, a smile dipped in divinity, flashed across her face. The night has changed her tempo, inviting the dawn to unfold its magic. Meanwhile, Radha has embraced my consciousness, placing me in her domain – unending stretch of blueness that came to annihilate our distinction, making us one forever.
Chacha: Brother Of Father
Mama: Brother Of Mother
Since I feel we are in the same boat with shattered dreams, I can safely state that I am indeed a blessed soul who failed to learnt the art of deception-the so-called worldly-wise orientations. Don’t you think wise lady that Lord saved us from wasting precious moments on pretenders who moved around us like near and dear ones ? I am, at least, very happy that I have learnt to walk alone. It’s no mean achievement and I am proud of the fact that I learnt it too early when a great portion of life is still to come. I thank all those who left me in pain. That made me realize I am too good too embrace the dirt around me as gold particles. Yes, I realize I am left in pool of tears and enveloped in deep pain but I love this state from core of my heart. However, that’s real unlike fake smile on faces of people around.
So my very old friend realize that you are a chosen soul. Learn to live with same pain and frustration, with newer dreams as long as this fragile human body allows you to do so, under the impulse of prarabhdha, before it enters in greater world, wherein lies our true world at par with our being!!
Yes, the pain persists but that will not prevent me from singing : Mai zindagi ka saath nibhata chala gaya… Barbadiyeo ka Jashn Manata Chala Gaya ( I continued being faithful to life…Kept rejoicing over the disappointments). I live all alone with my self-the unchangeable real friend of mine- and now feel relaxed, positive and really happy with some space for good souls always.
No,I am not going to shed light on Freud’s classic work ” The Interpretation of Dreams” but it’s simply a take on his methodology, which I feel does not do justice given the huge discrepancies which one notices in character of an individual. Now let’s analyze the cases, wherein an individual describes that he/she is flying in the dream. As per Freud, this is indicative of repressed sexual desires. Let’s examine this view of Freud in a critical way. I agree with one of my friend’s Jayashree view that Freud’s views are result of intensive studies that he conducted over decades.However, I am of the opinion that it’s entirely impossible to have accurate prediction on basis of these studies. Freud like Chiero came up with right predictions because he had knack in hitting upon the right meaning, being in league with some sort of god-gifted ability to predict accurately. However, for rest of us, it’s entirely impossible to be confident in predictions based on what we come to read in his books.
Before I present my view, it would be interesting to anticipate the view of Jayashree: “I see him (Sigmund Freud) as someone who had the guts to speak about a lot of things people did not want to accept. He was realistic, born way too early in time; it showed in his ideas and in his attitude. His theory may seem like a lot of crap, but it was based on intensive studies that he conducted over decades, and he included things he learnt from introspection of his own self. Like when he spoke about repressed memories, there was a time when he had memories about being sexually abused by his father though he was not sure his memories were true. Thus, he mentions in the theory that no one can be sure recalled memories can be absolutely right. Freud’s theory has not been completely disproved because he left everything to doubt. He was sure that the mind, such an extremely complex thing, could not be explained like a mathematical formula. Nothing, in this field, is absolutely black or white.”
Now let’s be more critical in anticipating that when you fly in dreams, you are more or less in grip of repressed sexual desires. Repression that differs from suppression in a sense that it occurs consciously while the latter is a conscious effort- a matter of choice. It’s not the case with repression, which is usually involuntary. Well, I am not challenging Freud’s view but I do feel that had flying been linked with repressed sexual desires nearly every teen would have talked about flying in the air experience . Or for that matter , since repressed desires for sexual intercourse is integral part of Indian people psyche at some point in their lives nearly every Indian should have flying experiences at great speed. Is that’s the case? No.
I agree that we Indians do have repressed sexual desires, more so in age marred by globalization, when movies, debates on gender issues like live-in-relationships convey the impression that having intercourse is the most important phenomenon of human life .However, since we are more or less guided by morals and ethical values, a dilemma of intense nature revolving around sexual preference has become order of things. So according to Freud every Indian should be flying at great speed but I don’t think that’s the case. So what’s the solution ? Get above such desires by fulfilling them? Having done that if one gets above such repressed sexual desires, can one claim that dream in which one flies in great speed would stop? In lighter vein, my friend Jayashree feels that if she comes to fly in dreams it’s all because she reads Harry Potter too much!
Anyway, I feel that Freud was so successful in arriving at right interpretations because he was gifted or in other words there was X factor too. For example, Cheiro has left behind number of books related with occult science but that has not produced masters like Cheiro. Even Cheiro was not able to interpret in light of his theories during his last phase of life because that X factor was now missing. In sum, it’s highly dangerous to rely on fixed line of interpretations while intercepting mysterious phenomenons of nature. In my eyes, there are many flaws in psychological assumptions, which makes healing in case of mental disorders a tough task.
One of the psychologist in a conversation with me revealed that medicines used in disorders merely suppress the symptoms. They in no way lead to removal of symptoms in totality. At this point, I a would again like to quote words of Jayashree: ” People suffering mental disorders don’t show a very good prognosis because because we aren’t equipped to deal with such delicate matters yet. Much of the human brain remains unknown; the effects of what goes on in there is even less comprehensible. What’s more, we live in a world where what is sane or not is decided by the majority who change their mind every alternate day. And it isn’t a very easy job to cure a mental disorder when the ’curer’ is just as liable to develop the disorder. None of us are immune to it; at the end of the day, no matter how hard we try, the disorder has the last laugh.”
If that’s the case, I feel it’s highly dangerous to rely too much upon psychological theories as that would more often than not produce fallacious interpretations. Psychological assumptions often leave one in the lurch.Probably, this is why many people suffering from psychological disorders fail to show any sign of progress despite being treated amid state-of-the-art facilities . Whether you accept it or not, the modern psychological theories have many missing links.
Today it has become some sort of a fashion to quote Freud even as there is no substantial basis to approve the validity of Freud’s hypothesis in tackling cases of myriad types. Let’s not be guided by them in a blind way, becoming open to better ways to tackle the mysterious world of human brain. The human brain is much more complex in its functioning and therefore it would be lethal to anticipate it with flawed notions, views and theories.
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